#there is a fair bit of 'magic is but a tool and a tool's alignment is defined by how it's used' type stuff in this fic

[enbyboiwonder]

I thought so. I thought “enervate” meant “weaken.” Ysuran has a spell called Enervation that drains HP from the enemies in front of him, and I keep thinking it’s the one that lowers their dmg, but that’s Ray of Enfeeblement. Outside of BGDA2, Enervation has a chance to kill an enemy outright, and if it doesn’t, it temporarily reduces their dmg. I think. The wiki says it “suppresses their lifeforce” and also that it will “increase an undead creature’s un-lifeforce.” So does it also deal damage? Decrease CON? Urg, this is one of those spells I never use in NWN so I don’t know…

I should probably be playing that instead of BGDA2 tbh, so I can rework Ysuran’s spells for Misao. He’s missing some you’d expect a necromancer to have (Control Undead, anyone??), and some don’t work like you’d expect (this one possibly, plus his Animate Dead is actually Summon Undead). And that’s not even counting that I wanna have Misao learn some cleric spells too!

[sianagrace]

Bedknobs and Broomsticks and the Beautification of War and Witchcraft: Siana’s Panel Presentation

Robert Stevenson and Ward Kimball’s 1971 fever dream of a musical combines action and animation, war and witchcraft, feminism and effemination, and a classic Disney fantasy touch. Based on the books by English children's author Mary Norton, the story follows Miss Price, the town's "crazy lady", "spinster", and secret witch, as she takes in three young siblings displaced from London during World War II. The four join with scammer/magician Emelius Browne to search for a spell that could “end the war”. Let’s take a closer look!

Narratives and Myths: The Disney-fication of Witchcraft

Stevenson and Kimball Disney-fy witchcraft through Angela Lansbury’s character, Miss Price. Storytellers throughout history often present witches as antagonists or villains: Hansel and Gretel (1812), Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937), and The Sword in the Stone (1963), to name a few. Of course, by 1971, people worldwide could associate “Good Witch” with Glinda (1939), but she was not a catalyst for similarly-natured witches. Miss Price embodies a sense of normalcy and country charm that makes witchcraft seem more like a hobby rather than an all-encompassing characterization of evil. More broadly, Bedknobs and Broomsticks presents magic as realistic, providing the audience with an ��anything is possible” mindset.

Depictions of Femininity and Masculinity: Just Feminist Enough

Being a witch simply slots into Miss Price’s identity: she is a single, private, middle-aged woman who lives alone in a large home fairly far from the town center. From our first encounter with her character, we can tell that she does not conform, and has no interest in conforming, to 1940s societal expectations regarding how a woman her age should present herself.

In her article “My Fair Lady: A Voice for Change”, scholar Marcie Ray notes that as America and Western Europe called in second-wave feminism, there came a filmic trend of musicals “[employing] the single girl character to depict the changing nature of (white) female sexuality” (293) as opposed to following a strict love plot. In a later section, “Eliza as the ‘Other’”, Ray discusses the tool of othering the lead female protagonist so she appears to have room for improvement, growth, and assimilation into proper society. Miss Price follows this formula, presenting palatable white femininity and feminism, but ultimately reverting to heterosexual expectations: Mr. Browne, once her anonymous professor of witchcraft, quickly becomes her love interest.

Aligning with the ongoing feminist movement at the time of this film’s production, Mr. Browne’s masculinity, and attached agency, come into question rather than being accepted as fact. His introduction in the film establishes him as a trickster, con artist, and coward. Miss Price turns him into a bunny multiple times, to which he replies “Miss Price, a word about your tactics: if I know I’m being changed into a hawk or a tiger, or something with a bit of flash, but always a fluffy white rabbit? It’s incorrigible!” This power dynamic cements Miss Price, and her playful, modern take on femininity, as the authority and lead throughout the film.

Class and Racial Subtexts: “Portobello Road”

The backdrop of World War II connects all the characters in this film through an environment devoid of abundance, and an expectation of having “less than”. Any hints of wealth or a British upper class can only be seen in what’s left behind during the height of the war rather than through individual characters.

The over ten-minute-long “Portobello Road” musical sequence demonstrates this time of unity through scarcity through color, music, and performance. The street, either through set building or editing, appears gray in itself and tinges everyone walking along the street similarly. This area of London feels communal and bustling while simultaneously being economically disadvantaged. The song, sung by all five of our lead protagonists and by the large ensemble, speaks of riches, fantasy, and possibility: the Portobello Road market is a symbol of hope, even if momentary and unfeasible.

There is little racial or ethnic subtext in this film - past, of course, the significance of WWII and all those groups ostracized, interned, and killed during the time. Portobello Road, however, curiously introduces a densely diverse enclave of London, including spotlight moments of Sikh soldiers, Scottish dancers, and Trini performers. Past their brief musical moments, we do not analyze or revisit these characters. We are, however, shown our five white protagonists interacting with these minority groups in a normalized, meaningful way: dancing, playing, and smiling alongside each other in this utopian street fair. This scene aligns more with the decade of the film’s production (late-60s and early-70s) than it does with the period in which it’s set (1940s). 

Significance to the Audience and Temporality

As briefly mentioned earlier, the character development in Bedknobs and Broomsticks is critical to ensure the comfort of 1970s audiences. Miss Price is just feminist enough, the children as just boisterous enough, Mr. Browne is just crass enough, and everyone is just poor enough. There are many things a contemporary audience can problematize about this film: Miss Price’s reverting to patriarchal expectations of marriage, love, and motherhood; the romanticization of war and, specifically, WWII; Mr. Browne’s sexist remarks about women's memories and professional capabilities. At its core, however, this is still a Disney fantasy with loveable, quirky characters, catchy musical numbers, and an entire additional animated world to fall in love with. There’s a steadfast formula that makes this film enjoyable despite its generational immobility.

Critical Discussion Questions

How do we create lovable characters whose backgrounds are classically/traditionally/stereotypically rooted in horror, antagonism, and/or villainy (ex. witches, con-artists, monsters)?

What generational differences do you see embedded in your film / what changes should/would be made in a remake?

Are love plots actually necessary to the plot of your film or other musicals? What would look different about the trajectory and public reception of the film without a love plot?

@theuncannyprofessoro

[jasper-the-menace]

whoops you already got that last one Flight Potion: What constitutes a superpower or unusual ability in your world?

Potions-Themed Ask Game

Flight Potion: What constitutes a superpower or unusual ability in your world?

Kephea

Being a priest involves having a god literally show up and choose you, often once you're an adult. If you're not into that, you can definitely tell them to fuck off, but most Kephean city-states are super into that and most people grow up as polytheists (though often with a family or racial patron deity). Even rarer is a priest being chosen by a god who doesn't normally take interest in the race in question, such as Tios (the god of love, passion, pleasure, and marriage who favors satyrs) picking a harpy (regarded as aloof and favored by the god Rys) for a priest.

Orphics are pretty common, as most people know a little bit of magic just to make their day-to-day lives easier, but sometimes someone will be born with much stronger magic than usual. This is not something tied to bloodline, but rather regarded as a twist of fate, a blessing of a primordial or titan, or a case of "sometimes shit just happens". Two people with very little inherent magic could give birth to the Kephean equivalent of Superman without any warning. Likewise, two powerful Orphics could have a child who can't magic their way out of a box. Elemental bias for Orphics is also not direct, as you could be born and raised in a water-based city by water-aligned parents but still be more proficient with earth magic just based on who you are and how you handle things.

Demigods (the children of a god and a mortal) are pretty uncommon, even bordering on rare, because the gods have been busy as of late and haven't had time to have and raise their own kids. This is seen as a sign of dire times ahead, with the gods focused on something big instead of focusing on the mortals.

And that's not even getting into the daimones, but I can go on about those individually if anyone's interested.

New Capenna in Blood and Songbirds

Like most planes in the Multiverse, New Capenna doesn't get a lot of planeswalkers. In canon, the only planeswalker who's from the plane is Elspeth Tirel, who was actually raised in an Old Phyrexian mental facility down on Old Capenna rather than being from the city of New Capenna. In Blood and Songbirds, the only other planeswalker from the plane is the cephalid Lena Maise, who is growing up in the Obscura family.

Magic not based on Halo (the juiced essence of angels, who have now all left New Capenna) is tricky. Some families rely on Halo-based magic more than others, but there's also variation in magic used in those families.

For instance, the Brokers rely on Halo for their travel magic, but they don't need it for their contract magic. The viashino of the Riveteers don't need Halo for their fire breath and magic, but they need it to power their tools for building things up or tearing them down. The Cabaretti, despite using Halo as a party drug, are actually in the best place post-Halo-exhaustion: their druid magic has been used by them since well before the city's founding. The Maestros do a lot of sneaking and murdering, relying less on magic and more on skill. The Obscura's divination abilities aren't Halo-based either, but a fair number use Halo to enhance the accuracy of it.

Healing magic as a whole seems to be directly tied to Halo, but there are many variations on traditional healing magic on this plane.

But let's talk about the planeswalkers of Blood and Songbirds and what they bring to the table.

Mathias Markov, later called Mathias Maestros: Song magic from Innistrad, which has a vastly different vibe to the song magic of the Cabaretti. Innistradi song magic features more choir-like elements, more hymns to forgotten gods, more somber tones than the upbeat party music used by bards such as Kitt Kanto. Shield magic that he learned from Falco Spara, the founder and leader of the Brokers, so that he could use it to protect himself and others during all of the weird stuff going down. Psychic powers inherited from his Markov bloodline, giving him more headaches than anything. Vampirism and demonic influence due to his half-vampire half-demon nature, with the bonus ability of being able to survive by feeding on more than just blood. Metamagic in a limited, sensing sort of way.

Tibalt, later called Tibalt Maestros: Torture magic, both physical and mental, his Innistradi specialty. A great amount of fire resistance and fire magic that puts even Ob Nixilis to shame. Committing to the bit.

Jaren Rakdoson: Earth magic is his number one type of magic, with his spark making it almost effortless. Limited metamagic and animism, being vaguely aware of the Worldsoul of New Capenna and Ravnica, but nowhere else. Healing and energy transfer, mostly used to benefit mortals and angels. Mild demonic influence and Rakdos party tricks designed to terrify and intimidate, though he doesn't use those as much as Ritter thinks he should.

Ritter Rakdoson: Mind-influencing magic, particularly involving mounted animals such as griffins, rocs, and horse-shaped creatures, is his specialty. Though he did also use it to take over and control an archdemon in earlier chapters of Blood and Songbirds, drawing on Rakdos tricks that make betrayals the funniest shit ever. This effect continued even when he got to another plane because of how much he's trained it. Like his twin, mild demonic influence and other Rakdos party tricks are in his magical tool belt.

Working together, Jaren and Ritter can create and control rideable earth creatures that are like horses made of stone. Without Ritter, Jaren's half would run out of control and do more harm than good, while without Jaren, Ritter wouldn't even be able to start.

Lena Maise: Like most Obscura, she specializes in divination. Unlike most Obscura, she can use information from other planes that she's visited to enhance those divinations, often being able to predict when a planeswalker will arrive to the plane - though no one believed her before all of this started. Now this little kid is feeling smug because she was right.

Aminatou: It's everyone's favorite fate-altering eight-year-old!

Danae: Hailing from Theros, this siren also specializes in song magic. Unlike Mathias and the bards of New Capenna, her songs are often hymns of love and praise towards her patron, Ephara. Her songs sound best when sung by multiple people, which is difficult for her to do on New Capenna, as she's the only one who can carry those tunes. Her song magic also keeps you stuck in place so you have no choice but to listen to her diss track.

Petha Mazat: Hailing from Ravnica like Jaren and Ritter, Petha's specialty is in transmutation magic, the changing of forms. She's technically a Simic hybrid, even at her young age, but her base elven form is still recognizable. She's got cool-ass gills, too. And she's more than happy to turn people into toads if they start talking shit about her planeswalker friends.

Scrat: A lizard-like kobold from a plane no one's heard of (cough, he's technically a D&D crossover character from Eberron), Scrat specializes in the wild randomness of impromptu artifice. Need something jerry-rigged? Scrat's your kobold. Need to change how Broker communicators work? He's got a screwdriver out already. Need a small bomb to walk into a horde of enemies? He's got six in his pocket, as a matter of fact. He terrifies and confuses everyone except for Ziatora, who is more than happy to have this tiny viashino-like creature among her Riveteers thanks to his strange techniques.

Vasca: An eight-year-old minotaur from Zendikar, Vasca's power is simple: Super strength. Despite being nowhere near fully grown, she can already tussle with New Capenna's rhox and ogres and come out the victor (even though she's only tussled with Perrie so far, and he doesn't want her to get hurt). While plenty of New Capennans are strong, Vasca's level is definitely going to get well beyond them.

Trey: Another Theros planeswalker, Trey is a teenaged centaur whose magical specialization is calming everyone down. Despite coming from a Pheres band, he's learning diplomacy so he can help plenty of people. Green-based calming magic isn't common on New Capenna, so he's hoping to expand his practice into other, similar types of magic.

As you can see, a lot of the magic the planeswalkers know are common on other planes, but almost completely alien to New and Old Capenna alike. Especially the four older planeswalkers, who have had time to get good at their specialties and start to branch out.

Thanks for dropping by!

~Jasper

[houserosaire]

Character Summary: Silvaineaux

alias/nicknames: The Unbroken Shield is his battle epithet. Ser Silvaineaux. Ser Rosaire, The Rosaire. My Lord. Some people in or adjacent to Priarch call him ‘The Baron’ either respectfully or with great distaste. He accepts Silvain from family or close friends. Try to shorten his name any further and it will be very firmly corrected. He has used the alias ‘The Masked Prince’ in some very specific situations outside Ishgard. gender. Decidedly emphatically male. He/Him. age. ‘Adult’. 29 later this year. zodiac. Gemini abilities + talents. An extremely talented swordsman, a professional soldier and officer trained extensively in both arms and strategy from an extremely young age. He is an expert in foot and mounted combat and has some training with the lance afoot, and as a tool for jousting. He has a passable skill at archery and is a skilled but utilitarian fencer. He is an excellent hand at working with and training chocobos and an extremely avid falconer. His chess game is precisely what you would expect from a man schooled in tactics. He also has a perhaps surprising talent for knot work and can do some pretty impressive things with a whip.

alignment.  lawful / neutral / chaotic / good / neutral / evil / true religion. Silvaineaux is a devout follower of Halone, orthodox for the most part  though there are some areas of theology where he follows his own idea of the Fury a bit more closely than the rule of  the church.

sins. envy / greed / gluttony / lust / pride / sloth / wrath virtues. charity / chastity / diligence / humility / justice / kindness / patience languages. Speaks fluent common Eorzean. Is also fluent in Elder Ishgardian/Ishgardian elezen dialects. His common has a distinct Upper crust Ishgard accent.

. family. Felicienne de Beauchene (sister) Honore Du’rosaire (adopted brother) Kasmae de Sanguemont (paternal aunt) Judicael Rosaire (great uncle) Vaelanys Solepine, Sathyrios Sanguemont, Valinaux Sanguemont, Lorian Sanguemont, Gaheriet Rosaire and a whole host of others (cousins) Sui Bian (fiance)

friends. Silvaineaux is a slow to make deep friendships so he has far more acquaintances than friends. However, among others, he counts Edarien Secariot, Sw’inwa Raen, Narcisse Fontaine, Alain Durand, Lyrin’a Muinvel,Talia Redwing, and most of the rest of Priarch as friends of varying degrees.

sexuality. heterosexual / bisexual / pansexual / homosexual / demisexual / asexual / unsure / other relationship. single / partnered(engaged) / married / widowed / open relationship / divorced / not ready for dating yet / it’s complicated libido. sex god / very high / high / average / low / very low / non-existent build. slender / average / athletic / muscular / curvy / other hair. white / blonde / brunette / red / black eyes. brown / blue / gray / green / black / other (golden yellow) skin. pale / fair / olive / light brown / brown / dark / other height. 7′3″ At full growth. Tall runs in his family. scars. Numerous scars. Perhaps the most readily noticeable is on his right cheek. There is a jagged looking scar almost the length of the back of his left forearm, numerous other small scars on his hands and arms, his torso has various marks of burns, claws, arrows, and sword wounds. His deep voice has a slight rasp to it as if perhaps there is some internal smoke damage in his throat.

dogs or cats || birds or bugs || snakes or spiders || coffee or tea || ice cream or cake || fruits or vegetables || sandwich or soup || magic or melee || sword shield dagger or bow || summer or winter || spring or autumn || past or future A few songs that remind you of them:

Whatever it Takes- Imagine Dragons

War- Poets of the Fall

Noble Blood- Tommee Profitt x Fleurie

Tagged by: @dragons-ire

Tagging: @bookbornexiv @thedarknesssings @blisteringstar @louvel-roche @liminal-storage @punches-and-cream-puffs​ @hiraethwyl​ @reddevil-xiv​ @roses-and-grimoires​ @latikaa-renaz​ @dawning-star​  @seascrapes​ @mimble-sparklepudding​

[2ndbat]

𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐄'𝐒 𝐈𝐍𝐅𝐎 𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐄𝐓

{Basics}

Name: Terry ██████ Alias: Batman, The Bat, Bats Gender: tranmasc, he/him Age: 16, (verse dependent) Species: human ( half Amazonian ) Zodiac: aquarius / aries / cancer / capricorn / gemini / leo / libra / pisces / sagittarius / scorpio / taurus / virgo / unknown Abilities/Talents: trained in martial arts/combat and various weapons and tools. Among other things related to being Batman that would be too long to list. Is very good at cooking, although still learning. Good with younger kids. (if you think that counts as a talent)

{Personal}

Alignment: lawful / neutral / chaotic / good / neutral / evil / true Religion: n/a Sins: envy / greed / gluttony / lust / pride / sloth / wrath Virtues: charity / chastity / diligence / humility / justice / kindness / patience Languages: English, some Japanese, learning more Family: adopted parents ( kind of ) - Warren & Mary ██████ / biological parents - Bruce Wayne & Diana Prince / sibling(s) - Matt ██████ Friends: Maxine Gibson, Dana Tan, Melanie Walker, Chelsea Cunningham, Carter Wilson, Howard Groote, Blade Sommer, Willie Watt, Barbara Gordon, The Justice League ( sorry the list is getting a bit long) Sexual Orientation: heterosexual / bisexual / pansexual / homosexual / demisexual / asexual / unsure / questioning / other Relationship status: single / dating / married / widowed / open relationship / other

{Physical}

Build: twig / bony / slender / average / athletic / curvy / chubby / obese Hair: white / blonde / brunette / red / black / other Eyes: brown / blue / green / black / other Skin: pale / fair / olive / light brown / brown / very brown / other Height: under 3 foot / 3-4 foot / 4-5 foot / 5-6 foot / 6-7 foot / above 7 foot Weight: under 100 pounds / 100-150 pounds / 150-200 pounds / 200-250 pounds / above 250 pounds Scars: some easy to miss small scars at various parts of his body. two stylized top surgery scars meant to resemble the bat wings on his suit. Notable Features: small leftover fangs from being forced to splice against his will.

{Choose}

Dogs or Cats? Birds or Hamsters? Red or Blue? Yellow or Green? Black or White? Coffee or Tea? Ice Cream or Cake? Fruits or Vegetables? Sandwich or Soup? Magic or Melee? Sword or Bow? Summer or Winter? Spring or Autumn? The Past or The Future?

[serene-victory-77]

Why The Crows Being Teenagers Is Actually Perfectly Realistic

There’s a TL;DR are the end because wow I like to rant.

I lightly discuss the general situations they’re all in to explore how they are frighteningly mature and competent, but it’s not particularly depressing or descriptive, it’s definitely lighter than the books

I thought about this post with a joke first: “People who think that Six of Crows is unrealistic because they’re so young clearly have not spent much time with traumatized honors students.”

It’s a bit of an exaggeration, but the point stands.

But I decided that, hm, actually, I could make a point about this. I totally agree with the aging up of the characters in the Shadow and Bone show, but when people straight up say that the books are wrong or unrealistic for having a young crew, I get annoyed, and here’s why (other than me reading the books for the first time when I was 13 and thinking ‘Huh okay, I see it’ and now being lowkey offended when people say they ignore it for being unrealistic):

On Inej

- At first I thought Inej’s wisdom and general demeanor was one of the most unrealistic things in the book

- When I thought about it longer, I was like “Actually, she’s 16, right? I’ve sent some of the most lyrical philosophy trying to help my friends while in high school. My friends have done the same. It’s valid.”

- Frankly, teenagers love hard-hitting philosophical truths. They love repeating what they’ve read or heard in movies and in books and from family stories. They love sharing little bits of wisdom they have come up with

- Inej’s ability to hear and understand philosophy and wisdom that she was surrounded by for 14 straight years and then sit on it and elaborate it for her friends to understand, or even just to piss them off in Kaz’s case? 

- Teenagers have that. They do it. So, Inej’s Wisdom passes, to me. It’s valid. 

As for her being calm

- You know how everyone jokes that Kaz seems calm on the outside but when you get to his POV he’s like “What the fuck” at the Van Eck house or just straight up “Huh, is this revenge for making tree jokes” at the Djel River thingy in the Ice Court?

- Inej is like that, too. And she gets angry, and she gets confused, or exhausted.

- AKA every quiet kid ever. Like, are you kidding? Have you ever been in a situation in which it’s literally chaos all around you, people are screaming and things are being destroyed (think middle school classroom with bitchy long term substitute and even worse students), and you’re just, calm? You pick up your things, you do what you need to do?

- That’s Inej. Like, what else is she gonna do? She’s smart enough to know that panicking won’t help anyone, and so she just rides it out. Internally she might be like “Why is this happening” but frankly, her being quiet and controlled in most situations is probably a coping mechanism and I respect that

- Pretty sure this is also based on the fact that the Suli have no land for their own and constantly have to keep moving. It might align with generational trauma, I’m sure someone could explain it better than me, but being able to keep your cool while constantly having to change and adapt to new situations, in, say, a country with hellfire politics and no land to call your own? Seems like a hereditary trait that could be useful in Ketterdam, although it’s sad.

On Inej’s abilities

- Simone Biles started training when she was 6 and went to the World Artistic Gymnastics Championships when she was 16, where she qualified in all the events. 

- There are videos of people walking over tightropes as young as three years old. We know Inej didn’t start that young, but not only was she naturally talented at it, but she spent a lot of time practicing. I think it’s valid. Plus, some of her family members do some pretty crazy things in her flashbacks, because that’s the whole point of what they do. 

- Youngest person to beat American Ninja Warrior was 16 year old Vance Walker

- Inej has a variety of of tools that help her wall climb, and while it’s true that she started young and got good really fast, she already had a history of physical work that would help her, and from what we can gleam from the book, a surprising amount of free time in which she was actively encouraged to learn everything she could. 

So that’s Inej! I think her skills are perfectly possible for someone with her history and situation. It’s true that she’s naturally skilled, but that’s not actually all that unusual. And her demeanor and wisdom do fit in with what a lot of teenagers are like and the circumstances she was brought up in

Onto Kaz!

- One thing I hear about is that Kaz is too smart for not having gone to school and also too young to know all that he does

- Do you all KNOW how many self-taught people there have been in this world? The word for people who are self-taught is autodidacts, and honestly a huge amount of famous people apply. Like many, many other people in history (there’s a whole list of them in Wikipedia), he had an vested interest in a field and he learned all he could. Sure, those fields were magic tricks and math, but still.

- Suddenly I have a lot of thoughts

- Okay, think, hyperfixations. That’s essentially what Kaz’s thing with magic tricks was, right? Have any of you ever spent time with an eight year old that clearly really, really loves dinosaurs? Those kids can spout names and facts and identify them by their skeletons and frankly know more than I ever will. Kaz’s was magic tricks. All kids are special.

- Kaz continued working on magic tricks and practicing them for years, so, I think that gets a pass. 

- As for the math! Look, a Fact Of Life is that some kids are just Like That, whether it be possibly from neurodivergence or other factors:

- Flo and Kay Lyman are twins with Autism who basically have the calendar of EVER memorized. Kaz memorizing card decks is sensible, and these ladies don’t need to look up anything to figure it out, so Kaz doing sums inside his head seems plausible. His “photographic memory’ isn’t impossible, although the term itself might be incorrect.

- Katherine Johnson who worked at NASA (yes, the lady from Hidden Figures), was so good at math that she was in high school by age 10 and went to college at age 15. It’s true that she had some teaching, but 1. There’s no evidence Kaz had absolutely no schooling, even if it was just at home with books and 2. Kaz was 9 when he came to Ketterdam, and after Jordie died, when he wasn’t surviving, he was learning. 

- Human calculator is a term that is applied to children a lot and there’s definitely plenty of videos showing how smart these kids are and them doing mental math easily, which he does in the books

- He had a LOT of pressure on him to figure out all he could, and if he wanted to move forward, he was going to have to learn a lot. He spent hours practicing magic tricks, for all we know he spent hours practicing math too. We know Jordie was a bit of a bookworm too, so Kaz from a young age probably already had a reason to learn. Personally, a lot of my love for books was inspired by my older sibling when I was younger

- Young people are adaptable. Kaz is incredibly adaptable. The term prodigy exists because of people like him through history. 

- As for him being rational, there’s no other way to survive. Some of the greatest soldiers in history have been very, very young, and very, very smart. It’s true tacticians are generally considered to be older, but that doesn’t mean there haven’t been very young ones. 

- A lot of the generals I found were like, 19 years old, but Kaz is 1. not a general and 2. in a place where young people take up the mantle really, really quickly, and frankly it’s been like that for a long time. I still think this passes. This isn’t relevant but William the Conqueror was apparently called “The Bastard”?

- Frankly, underground communities of thieves probably don’t go around publishing their escapades so to me it makes sense that I can’t just look up “famous young thieves” and get anything that makes sense, but I did try

- Y’all I tried to do research on youngest escape artists since I think Kaz qualifies and I found myself in what I think is a magicians forum? It’s from 2002-ish and I feel like I’ve just found a relic. I can’t definitely prove they’re all saying the truth, but some of the people there talk about 10-11 year olds at magic camps, so, it’s not impossible for this to be a skill Kaz learned really young, particularly when he made a habit of following around magicians

- I think he passes the realism check overall

For the other Crows:

- Nina being so proficiently multilingual makes sense to me, because she’s been in the Little Palace almost her entire life with all the best teachers they could afford at her disposal. Some people just click with languages. One such would be Timothy Doner, who spoke 23 languages at 16. 

- Nina is a child soldier. She of course can handle the battlefield, although I imagine there’s a degree of trauma that she has to deal with (although it’s true that most of her work was always meant to angle her towards being a spy).

- Jesper was taught to shoot from a young age by Aditi, who was likely incredibly proficient. Plus, there’s mentions of him and his father being on some sort of frontier at one point in the books, so, it’s likely that Jesper got his fair share of ‘being a child soldier” since he would’ve been 15 or younger. Plus, with being a Fabrikator, he gets a leg up

- Jesper’s smart y’all, he just also likes to have fun

- I am a little terrified by the fact that I looked up ‘youngest sharpshooter’ and found out about a 9 year old girl (Addysson “Addy” Soltau) who can indeed shoot guns, but uh, it does prove my point

- Matthias... I haven’t heard anyone really argue about Matthias. He’s the oldest at 18 and again, he’s essentially a religious child soldier. Of course he would be built af and know how to handle himself in a fight, and in a flashback about meeting Trassel, we’re told that he was actually distanced from the other boys and was the biggest and strongest/smartest of the group. Perhaps not compared to Kaz, but still

- We know how Wylan ended up how he is, so I don’t think i have to defend how he’s both a musical prodigy, good at math, and good at chemistry. Plenty of kids who can’t do one thing will immediately gravitate to a different field (think AP math students who can’t write essays, or those kids who could analyse a book and it’s metaphors in class but didn’t understand geometry).

- Granted he took it far but it’s kinda implied that  his father ignored him eventually and what else was Wylan going to do

- I don’t really know how he did chemistry while not being able to read the symbols and stuff, but that’s likely because I’ve never had to learn the way he did and also I really suck at Chemistry, but I refuse to believe that it invalidates his capabilities

Final Thoughts:

- They’re Traumatized Honors Students

- People might say that “it’s unrealistic that all the smart ones somehow ended up together” but again they’re traumatized honors students and those gravitate to each other

- Of course the smart ones ended up together, they’re the ones in those crazy situations precisely because they are prodigies. Nina wouldn’t have met Matthias if she wasn’t skilled and a spy, Kaz wouldn’t have known Inej if she hadn’t been skilled at silence (I can’t explain that one but uh ninjas did/do exist and it IS still a fantasy world). Kaz would have never been a leader of the Dregs in a position to find Jesper if he hadn’t been so determined to rise to the top, and Jesper wouldn’t have been in Ketterdam if his father hadn’t thought that Jesper was smart enough to get that chance.

- You know how those fringe revolutionary artists for new eras end up knowing all knowing each other and even hanging out? That’s them.

- I have decided there is a strong basis for Autistic Kaz, someone who is more studied than me should feel free to explore this.

- I read this book a few years ago, A Long Way Gone by Ishmael Beah. It’s about this guy’s experiences as a boy soldier and it’s a painful read so I’m not sure I recommend it as a casual read, but he talked about these young kids being able to actually make competent military strategies and handle warfare. It’s an extreme example of what I’m trying to explain when it comes to them being able to handle the brutality of their situation, but it’s true, essentially

- They are definitely serious, but if you think they’re not teenagers I just, disagree so much. They have moments of lighthearted banter, they make light of their situation, they try to support each other Nina covers it so well in her farewell at the end of Crooked Kingdom: The little rescues of laughing at each others jokes or eating together and just supporting each other, is not only a very human thing, but a very teenager thing. 

- Scary experiences that shape us happen all the time, and although for most it’s not the things that the Crows experience, picking each other up is a big part of why they do read as teenagers to me. I’ve seen kids be able to seriously converse about things like being questioned by the police, or being left to their own devices for days at a time, or the general impending doom they all feel, and it’s dark, but they’re also going to joke about silly puns 20 minutes later. 

- Teenagers aren’t exempt from terrifying maturity and competence

- Finally: Despite all I said, it’s a fantasy story and doesn’t have to be realistic

In the end, everyone can believe what they want to believe, but this is my case for my opinion.

TL;DR The Crows are all prodigies and a lot of their achievements and capabilities are based in reality and there are real people who actually achieved things like what they’ve done. Messed up prodigies gravitate to messed up prodigies, hence how they all end up together. When it comes to their mental state, most of them have been brought up their entire lives in situations that required for them to problem solve and keep their cool even when things are going to hell.

[golarion]

Name: Anra Moravar

Race: Aasimar (Angelblood)

Class: Cleric of Erastil (Ecclesitheurge- Community/Animal domains)

Appearance: Anra is an aasimar of shorter height with fair skin, pale blue hair, and glowing, silver eyes. She typically dresses in plain, traveling clothes, having taken an oath against wearing armor. Her voice, though quiet, has a ringing quality to it, almost like that of church bells. Her features are sharp, a bit severe, but never cruel and rarely angry. Anra’s magic tends to manifest itself slowly and calmly, and she favors healing or defensive magic over anything strictly offensive. She moves in a calculated, controlled manner, the manner of a farmer well-trained with her tool (or weapon) of choice.

Favored Weapon/Equipment: Scythe

Top Skills: Persuasion, Lore (Religion), Athletics

Alignment: Lawful Good

General Personality: Anra is a soft-spoken, religious woman whose main goals are to spread Erastil’s worship and to defeat demons in his name. She appears a bit distant emotionally at first, perhaps self-conscious, but can quickly warm up to the Commander if their goals align. A perceptive Commander notices she has a thinly veiled anger to her, at times- one she has tried to suppress through prayer, but has never quite extinguished.

What traits/values do they admire? Religious Devotion, Mercy, Authority, Charity

What traits/values do they disapprove of? Blasphemy, Ruthlessness, Carelessness, Selfishness

Are they affiliated with any deities? Anra is a priestess of Erastil.

What do they think of their role in the Crusades, and of sharing the Commander’s Mythic powers? What are their reasons for joining the commander’s party? Anra is quick to join the Crusade, but is more hesitant to share in the Commander’s powers. She will advocate for abandoning their powers for all except Angel, perhaps sensing it is not Iomedae’s work, but Areelu’s. She will leave if the Commander takes the Swarm path and will attack the Commander on the Demon path.

Who are their friends among the other party members? Anra gets on best with Sosiel, Lann, and Seelah. At first, she is wary of Arueshalae, but acts civil towards her by Act 4 and actively tries to help her on her quest for redemption. Both she and Arueshalae herself have dialogue noting it is likely Anra’s angelic heritage getting in the way of the two ever becoming close. Anra tries to be friendly with Ember, but grows exasperated by her “child crusade.”

What about rivals? Anra can’t stand Wenduag and acts outright hostile towards her. Camellia unnerves her from the start, and Daeran angers her- she hypothesizes that it’s their Angel-Azata heritage that forms their rivalry, though. She doesn’t approve of Greybor but has long since given up on trying to reform him. She is more neutral towards Nenio, and her rivalry with Woljif seems to be one-sided, with her trying to teach him and him being fed up with her.

Are they on any councils? If so, what sort of advice do they give? Anra is on the Logistics council and advocates for plans that will give the most to the community, particularly if it benefits the poor.

Where do they hang out in Drezen? In the Abyss? Anra can be found near the Hand of the Inheritor in Drezen, and is off in a corner on the right side of the caves in the Abyss.

What are their idle animations? Her idle animations include her swinging at grass with her scythe thoughtlessly, dusting herself off, or (if summoned) scratching the neck of her elk companion.

If they’re taken to Areelu’s lab, what is their dream? Her dream is to return to her hometown and have her family see her become High Priestess of Erastil.

Do they advise the commander to abandon or keep their mythic powers? She advises the Commander to abandon their powers, claiming she sensed something wrong with them even before their source was revealed.

How/when do they join the Commander’s party? She joins the Commander in Act 1, and can be found arguing with Hulrun on Ramien’s behalf.

Describe their companion quest:

Act 1: Anra does not have a companion quest in Act 1, but approval can be gained with her if the Commander adopts any animals, such as the pipefox, while she is in the party. If the Commander worships Erastil, she will also reference that in dialogue. Anra approves of the Crusade and speaks highly of Irabeth- she will approve and open up more quickly if you do the same.

Act 2: Anra will come to the Commander with a strongly worded letter from her father, telling her to “give up [her] Crusade business” in order to better serve her god. She is clearly angry about the letter, as she believes she can best serve Erastil by hunting demons, and asks for advice on giving a response. If the Commander tells her to let him down gently or give a more neutral response, Anra will be more inclined towards Devotion in later acts. If Anra is reassured that she is her own person or is told not to reply to his letter, she will be more inclined towards Community. The Commander can flirt with her as well- if the Commander is male, Anra will act oblivious, and if the Commander is female, Anra will blush but not reciprocate.

Act 3: Anra opens up to the Commander about a project she’d been working on before her arrival in Kenabres- there was a shrine of Erastil she’d been working to restore to the southwest of the city, and she fears in her absence it may have been defiled by demons. If the Commander refuses to help her check on the shrine, she will leave temporarily in order to deal with it herself, and her angrier tendencies will begin to show. If the Commander takes her to the shrine, they will find it defiled by corpses of crusaders, including one archer who was stabbed to death on the altar itself. Several animal corpses, particularly those of deer or elk, can be found around the scene as well. As Anra approaches the altar, the party is ambushed by demons serving Baphomet. The combat is fought in waves, similar to the fight at the tavern in Act 1. After combat has ended, Anra requests some time to perform a ritual to cleanse the shrine. Should the Commander refuse her, the quest will fail. If Anra attempts the ritual, none of the plants or animals will return to life or begin to grow back. Anra fears her father was right and that her devotion to the Crusade (or the Commander, if she flirted with Anra in Act 2) has become a barrier between Anra and Erastil. The Commander can tell her her god must always come first (Devotion) or reassure her that by joining the Crusade, Anra has helped the most people (Community). The Commander can also try to help Anra realize her worth, which will set her on course for Community, or can remind her of her father (which will anger her but also set her towards Devotion).

Act 4: Anra’s Act IV quest unlocks after you have finished one of the major questlines (Battlebliss, the Nahyndrian Crystals, or Lady Vellexia). Sosiel will be the one to have a quest marked in the journal, however- he’s grown concerned with Anra and asks the Commander to ask around if anyone’s seen her, and will hint at their closeness should the Commander have started romancing her. The Commander can then speak to any three of their companions before returning to Sosiel, each companion having an unique outlook on the world and Anra’s religious crisis as well. After finding that no one knows where she is, Sosiel asks the Commander to look for her. Though multiple places will show as part of the “Search for Anra” quest, she can be found fastest if the Commander heads directly to the Bad Luck Tavern. There, Anra is drunk, and arguing with a fellow priestess of Erastil. If Anra is on the Community path, the other priestess will admit that she started the argument, and not Anra, and the priestess will seem more haughty and look down on Anra’s more unconventional worship, eventually leaving the tavern, fed up with Anra’s antics. If on the Devotion path, Anra will admit to picking a fight after Erastil “sent a vision” telling her to root out false worshippers. The priestess will prove she is a true worshiper of Erastil by Channeling Energy and angrily leave. Either way, Anra insists the Commander follows her. The priestess can be found directly outside the door leading to the Bazaar, where she has been found easy prey by a group of slavers looking for Aasimar. The priestess and Anra will both sober up considerably hearing this, though when combat ensues, she has a penalty to dexterity and constitution equal to the Commander’s approval/disapproval points with her. The priestess is injured by the end of the fight, and when Anra tries to cure her, she finds her healing spells won’t work and that her god is angry with her. An atheist Commander can call out the irony in Erastil refusing one priestess power to let another priestess die. If Daeran is in the party, he will make a cutting remark as well. Sosiel or a Commander with the ability to heal can attempt to heal the priestess as well, but she denies them to try and prove something to Anra. She says she longs to meet Erastil after a long life of work anyway. Either way, the priestess dies, and Anra returns to camp. The Commander can have a conversation with her there, saying she did the right thing by trying to change the priestess’s mind (Devotion), that she was right to try to help (Community), wrong because the priestess was clearly unfaithful (Devotion) or wrong because she accidentally got someone killed (Community). The latter two options will anger Anra at first, in which case she lets out much of her Angelic anger and begins to criticize the Commander for their mythic path (if not Angel, Aeon, or Gold Dragon), and their quest decisions, including those of other companions’ quests. However, after letting out this anger, she is much more receptive to hearing the Commander’s thoughts and opens up about her problems with trying to please the two most important men in her life- her god, and her father. Implying that her father is the cause of many of her insecurities will force her onto the Community path regardless of the Commander’s points up towards that point, and the opposite will happen if the Commander insinuates the same about her god. If the Commander agrees with Anra, she becomes more confident in her decision and will be more assertive towards the Commander in conversation from then on. She thanks them, but never outright comes to terms with her celestial anger. If romanced, Anra will appear more sad than angry at first, and instead will come clean about her insecurities. After this, the Commander will have the same god-vs-father dialogue.

Act V: For the final time, Anra asks the Commander to take her to the shrine. After confronting her insecurities and taking time to think about her mistakes, she feels ready to retry the ritual she attempted in Act 3. If the Commander chooses to take her back there, they will find a sapling already growing back in the black spot where the altar was desecrated. If on the Devotion path, Anra takes that as a sign the ritual will work, and restores the shrine to its former glory. If on the Community path, she recognises that the tree is a sign of rebirth, and that she must learn to grow out of her old, tentative behavior and try to accept herself. Either way, Anra becomes much more confident of her role- on the Devotion path, she fits the mold that she believes a priestess of Erastil should and feels confident that she can forgive her father, though she wants him to try to correct his behavior towards her now that she’s “made it”. The Commander can argue that that’s not a healthy response to how her father pushed her, but she’s stubborn and refuses to listen. If romanced, the Commander can push her further, in which case Anra will abruptly end it. She will leave the sapling there as a reminder of how far she’s grown from a small farm girl, and will use magic to grow it into a grand apple tree. If Anra is on the Community path, she will be more confident in who she is and refuse to contact her father, saying she doesn’t need the man who never listened to her desires and instead used the circumstances of her birth to force her into a mold. She takes a cutting from the sapling and freezes it with ice magic in order to preserve it, but then cuts down the tree to make room for fields. If romanced on the Devotion path, she will give the Commander an apple “for the future”. On the Community path, she gives them a cutting of the tree to replant in Drezen. Back in the War Room, she will thank the Commander again- and if romanced, will tell her to stop by her quarters where she has a present waiting. When the Commander goes to see her, she is wearing rose petals… and nothing else.

If Anra ends on the Community path, she gains the Good and Healing domains (previously unavailable, even through Impossible Domain) and gains the Wings feat if she did not have it already. If Anra ends on the Devotion path, she loses the Community domain, but gains the Law and Nobility domains (previously unavailable, even through Impossible Domain), and gains the Wings feat if she did not have it already.

Are they romanceable? Describe their romance quest/scenes if you want! Anra is romanceable by female Commanders. (Some scenes are described above)

What would their ending slides be like? If unromanced and on the Devotion path, Anra will return to her hometown (called Bellesvry- loosely based on Belem, Portugal) and become High Priestess of Erastil. She uses her title to enforce order and becomes highly popular in the region, often being asked to settle disputes between towns, nobles, and even entire religious groups. Upon returning home, Anra reconnects with her father. She never marries, and the priesthood of Erastil becomes a bit stricter under her leadership, but she becomes close to a young girl who she eventually raises to be her successor. If romanced and on the Devotion path, she stays away for brief periods of time to tend to her work, but plays a much smaller role in the priesthood of Erastil. Her marriage to the Commander does much for her morale among the priests, and she is considered a well-loved, gentle leader. If she is unromanced and on the Community path, Anra stays in Drezen to better serve the common people there. She starts a large garden in the middle of the city, one said to be blessed by Erastil himself. Travelers from all over come to visit, claiming it’s more beautiful than the Royal Gardens of Mendev. If romanced and on the Community path, she will stay in Drezen if they do, or will continue to travel the world with them, spreading good will wherever she goes. She and the Commander settle down eventually, adopting children. Anra cuts contact with her father and puts her farming skills to use- skills he did not need to teach her- elsewhere.

Any other fun facts? Anra arrived in Kenabres only about a month before the Commander, and yet already knew Ramien, Irabeth, and Seelah.

Provide some dialogue/bark examples!

Conversation start: Anra takes a moment to notice you, seemingly lost in thought. “Is there something I can do for you?”

Conversation end: Anra gives you a gracious smile. “Deadeye’s blessings upon you.”

Selection: “What do you need, Commander?” / “You need only ask.”

Skill success: “Father taught me that.” / “You learn a lot by working on a farm.”

Skill failure: “Oh, that won’t do to make him proud, will it?” / “Perhaps there’s another way I can help..?”

Combat start: “Through faith we shall prevail!” / “Erastil, guide my hand.”

Low health: “I think a quick prayer may be in order.” / “Old Deadeye, if you’re listening, I could use a bandage!”

Knocked unconscious: “I failed you…” / “Deadeye forgive me…”

[itsclydebitches]

I think a lot of fans are confused about SEW hurting Maidens as well as Grimm is because in V4, Salem has a "gotcha" moment with Watts when she explains "Its because of the Maiden power" that Cinder got hurt but as you've said, this has proven to be inconsistent with the story and doesn't make sense narrative-wise, since SEW and Maiden powers are supposed to be good-aligned. As an aside, Ozpin's cane only killing Grimm but not Salem makes me worry about Ruby's power not serving its built up narrative purpose of killing Salem's Grimm body.

Yeah and that's a 1,000% understandable confusion considering that, you know, the story just outright said that, despite the rest of the story contradicting it. We keep coming back to this question of what we prioritize: what characters claim, or what we actually see happening on screen. Honestly, as the story continued I had just assumed that Salem lied. What we're told is, especially post-Volume 5, not necessarily the truth considering this is a "Yeah, the Lamp is totally out of questions" and a "Ozpin definitely disappeared during the train crash" world. Characters say things that simply aren't true for purposes of their own and yeah, in the other cases we as the audience were in on the lie, but that doesn't mean this wasn't originally meant as a way to mislead us as well, or meant to be something we recognized as a lie later on.

Why would Salem lie in this case? Because Volume 4 Salem was written to be smarter than she is now and telling her subordinates the truth isn't at all smart:

Watts: But why in the world was Cinder defeated? Shouldn't her power have made that fight easy?

Salem: It's because she's connected to a grimm now and SEWs absolutely DECIMATE anything grimm aligned.

Watts: Ooohhh. So, theoretically, if we, as bad people only out for ourselves, were to ever turn against you, this SEW would be the perfect tool for dealing some serious damage? You just told us your only and biggest weakness?

Salem: [SALEM.ex HAS STOPPED WORKING DUE TO INTERNAL ERROR]

vs.

Watts: But why in the world was Cinder defeated? Shouldn't her power have made that fight easy?

Salem: ... uh, it's because of her power. Yup. Totally. Having these abilities comes at a great cost! Nothing else to see here, folks

But of course, this is pure speculation on my part considering the story never did anything with it. At no point are we encouraged to question this scene and we're certainly not outright told this was a moment where she mislead her subordinates (like, say, in a scene were Watts sees another Maiden getting blasted by Silver Eyes, realizes she's fine, and figures things out for himself). If Salem did lie it's never acknowledged and if Salem was telling the truth we're left with a story that contradicts her at multiple points. So this seems to have either been the setup for something that was totally dropped, leaving what appears to be a retcon, or just an outright retcon where they originally did want Maidens to have this weakness, but drastically changed course later, unintentionally leaving an explanation behind in the form of the beetle. Which... is par the course for RWBY either way, complete with the inevitable confusion. We saw the same issue with Cinder's semblance. What's heating? What's glass? What's the Maiden power? What's potential grimm power? There's no real distinction among any of it.

As for Oscar vs. Ruby's power, I certainly hope they wouldn't deny Ruby that climactic moment. I'm slightly reassured by Ruby's eyes differing a fair bit from the cane: an inherited magical ability conceived at least before Volume 3 (likely right at the start given Ozpin's "You have silver eyes" introduction) as opposed to a strange, stored, "kinetic" energy that only just popped onto the scene. We also have Salem's focus on killing the SEWs or, as is the case now, turning them to her advantage. Either way, it's a means of eliminating the threat. Yet this is a woman whose grimm are literally endless. Why would she fear one fighter who can K.O. an army when her army just grows back from her pool? It still feels like the Silver Eyes are a threat to her too, hence a multi-year desire to eradicate them vs. absolutely no interest in securing and destroying Ozpin's cane.

[thequibblah]

directors cut for WTRF? 🥺👉👈 not biased at all obviously just objective third party asking for a directors cut hmmm hmmmmm

literally how could u do this every other word in that fic is an easter egg i can't shut up about..... bestie u are about to have regrets

one thing u should know is that 90% of things in this fic have real-world equivalents and its not even like....... hidden equivalents. serie primo = serie a, for instance. this trend is going to continue and i won't apologise <3

fun fact i named the bar the Bar and the drinks after shapes because i was too lazy to come up with something actually clever

this bit

I’m grinning to myself by the time she approaches my table.

was a very intentional fakeout and if you read this and thought "she" would be lily, feel free to sue me for emotional damages

the biggest conundrum of this AU was, how are jily not going to have met in school when magic exists? the solution was, of course, having multiple magic schools. but i couldn't let one of them have hogwarts, that didn't seem fair. i know i did sort of let lily have it..... but i felt more comfortable making hogwarts a university so there was a legit reason why james wasn't there and in gryffindor (if he'd gone he absolutely would have been)

once solved, i did the fun thing of naming them! ottaline gambol's was easy, i just scrolled through the list of ministers for magic and picked a progressive one. peverell hall was a whim, made all the funnier when lily's reaction is:

Much was made at Otty’s — one of the more progressive magical schools, named for one of the more progressive Ministers of Magic — of schools like Peverell Hall and St. George’s. The latter, I know, is chock-full of pureblooded elite. Peverell Hall is supposed to be slightly better, but still.

dang, it's gonna be funny if she ever finds out james is a descendant of the guy it's named after

fun fact, i included this because peter's question was a real thought i had when reading bond and free, your inspiring writing knows no limits:

The first thing you conjure in Walking Wombat is a yellow quill... “Why yellow?” Peter asked. Eddie gave him a strange look. “Why not?”

i realised i'd put jily in the same conundrum they had in tis the fucking season here:

It’s only then that I remember she’s just bought us drinks. I turn back to my triangle. “Oh, shit.” I suppose I can pawn it off on one of the others.

...but of course the resolution is rather different, and i do so enjoy a james with no filter (aka default james)

I briefly lose control of my brain and my tongue. “Is it too soon to say I’m in love with you?”

by the way, no-filter james will be a theme. wild things sure do run fast but not as fast as this boy runs his mouth!

also, another interesting challenge here was making sure james has a reason to be the way he is in AU. i love playing around with james's childhood/background and seeing how that affects his character while (hopefully!) staying true to who he is. i did that in ttfs by having him move around a lot and not meet the marauders until after the flashback timeline, which is why he's less of a git — he doesn't have the level of comfort in a social setting that canon james has with hogwarts, which is basically his playground from day 2 of first year lol

here, james was probably a fkn nightmare all through school, but of course he gets a big ego check when his quidditch career is derailed. i imagine his years in italy as a continuation of that humility lesson.

I will fully admit I used to be a cocky prick. This is what comes of being a kid who grew up with everything. But one useful thing that the whole fiasco four years ago taught me is humility. I’ve learned how to ask nicely for another chance.

and so much of writing him in wtrf is juggling that typical confidence with the insecurity/fear of losing something he's invested so much in (and has seen slip away before). it's really new to me, because typically i give lily uncertain life circumstances, but i suppose it's both of them in this AU.

the car thing was... i swear didn't start out as smutty, it was purely because i wanted a way to establish lily as muggleborn in a world where the connotations of not having magical parents is very different. more to come on that!

also, come to think of it, by this metric...

I’m now in dangerous territory, since that adds another impressive action to her running tally.

...i think james is already in love with her LOL

this bit:

The street is considered indecent and the downstairs hallway would have our landlady come running at once, so if it pleases Your Honour, we would recommend the sitting room sofa.

...was actually because in draft one lily was a lawyer, but then it was funny enough that i didn't want to take it out, but NOW i realise it makes it sound a little like she's addressing james as your honour, which.... hm. but anyway, we move on

Marc Bolan begs us to get it on through the stereo, vocalising my thoughts exactly.

the song here was initially "you shook me" (h/t @keepingupwithpotters) but i chickened out because zeppelin is SO horny dfjkhgkjs

also, it gave me so much joy to read everyone reacting to lily thinking about her ex (the general vibe was "who the fuck is this guy!!! ew!!!!") — rest assured (or, unassured??) that he has a part to play in all this. anyway, this is one of my fave lines:

He’s just a person, and there’s such a relief in sleeping with James and not the myth of a guy.

because as any come together reader knows....

Just James. Just James. It was never just James.

wtrf lily will learn!

literally the whole world knows i'm obsessed with needle drops that have no subtlety at all, but this one...

We just laugh, tangled together in a sweaty heap, as “Heaven Is in the Back Seat of My Cadillac” plays through the car’s speakers. “On the nose, isn’t it?” James says, sitting up.

...was pure luck, because i was looking up the top hits on the uk singles chart for the week(ish) this scene takes place in so that i could find a song that would realistically play on the radio, saw this, and was like omg the stars really do align

i feel like the thing i enjoy most about writing romance is the importance i get to place in noticing/looking/observing (and sometimes, not noticing!). it's just such a powerful but simple writerly tool, and god knows i am obsessed with pithy descriptions anyway, so this bit i am especially happy with:

James is already waiting, leaning against the car with his hands in his pockets. I feel as though I’m seeing him for the first time, the faint light of the flickering streetlamp catching him in profile: the strong slope of his nose, the hard line of his jaw, the curve of his smile. He studies the facade of our building with open curiosity, and I wonder what he’s looking for.

(one can only imagine james's train of thought in this moment. perhaps "ah. here lives the future love of my life"?)

“Thanks,” she tacks on at the end. I tip my head to one side in confusion. “For what?” “For, I don’t know. Being nice.” She laughs awkwardly. “I don’t do this very much.”

it wouldn't be a quibblah original tee em without some discourse to come about the nature of romantic/sexual relationships, would it? one thing i enjoy about this AU ("one thing" i say as if this isn't the billionth thing in a list) is that i get to write a romantic lily who's squaring that romanticism with what she perceives as the culture of the times. (this is a bit of a staple in all my characterisations of lily, but it is not often paired with casual sex, the complication of all complications!)

oh this bit literally wrote itself like i didn't even pause to think just vomited it out:

In the morning — and it must be early still — the sun streams through Lily’s sorry excuses for curtains with aggression that cannot be ignored. I crack open an eye to find myself sprawled out across her bed, quite literally spread-eagled. She’s attached to my side like a barnacle. Or a very pretty barnacle, anyway.

i'm especially proud of james's voice in this story. i don't often write first-person fic and i was worried how it'd turn out, but i think james as a character/narrator typically colours his own 3rd-person narration so strongly that it ended up a smoother transition than i'd feared!

also i just. i can't resist throwing in comic relief and i hope that this whole segment was a gentle enough preparation for the awkwardness that followed LOL

All of a sudden, the balcony door bursts open. I nearly drop the mug. “What the—” Mary pokes her head around the corner, sporting a righteous smile. “Morning, handsome.” Over her shoulder she shouts, “He’s on the balcony!” I blink. There’s a sound from inside the flat, as if something very large has just been dropped. Then a swear. “Oh, shit,” I say, realisation dawning, “you weren’t looking for me, were you? It’s so loud out here—” Mary cups a hand around her mouth and stage-whispers, “Lily was frantic.” She’s quite violently yanked back, and Lily herself appears in the doorway, slightly out of breath. “Should’ve checked the balcony first,” she says, and closes the door before Mary can insert herself into the space again. “Hi,” I say, which is agreed-upon best practice for greeting a woman you’ve just had fantastic sex with and ideally would like to have sex with again.

to this day i don't know what lily dropped. let's hope it wasn't expensive!

Captained the under-17 English squad at the World Cup some years back, Serie Primo’s lead goal-scorer of last year… Only an injury in what should’ve been his first season at Puddlemere mars his record. I wince reading about it and comparing it to a heap of press clippings. James Potter was hurt, and Puddlemere didn’t fancy paying for him not to play, so they shipped him off to Milan.

(you cannot imagine how much pointed interrogation of my brother it took to gather this intel.) i constantly worry that i've got dates or timelines wrong somehow — you might notice i tweaked under-17, which used to be under-19 until i realised that made no sense (even though in terms of its career importance i would much preferred it to have been u-19.... anyway). i also found out that u-17 football squads don't actually have captains but i said fuck it on that count.

but obviously i started writing this AU for the sports possibilities, only to discover i'm going to have to interfere a great deal with the Timeline (you shall see in future instalments).

god i really went through the whole fic. like i reread the whole thing to do this. here u go clare jfbghjfd

[devilsskettle]

(^^^ from howling (and bleeding) at the moon: menstruation, monstrosity and the double in the ginger snaps werewolf trilogy by erin m. flaherty) 

tw for discussion of suicide ideation

okay. so. i agree with the “doppelgänger narrative” idea but the idea that brigitte “[comes] to stand for the symbolic order she resists so enthusiastically at the start of the film” is, in my reading of the ending, a misinterpretation of what ginger’s “monstrosity” signifies in the film. flaherty’s reading follows a common structure of creature features in which the monstrous transgresses social norms, so the overarching conflict is the “other” vs. normalcy. in that case, killing the monster at the end is a return to normal and reinforces societal expectations. however, i don’t think that ginger snaps is actually that kind of story. at the beginning, both ginger and brigitte “resist so enthusiastically” being part of society to the point of rejecting life, becoming isolated and codependent. before ginger gets her period, brigitte tells her that she better not become basic like all the other kids at their school, but she leaves her behind pretty quickly once she becomes interested in teen society sex drugs and rock n roll and is more accepted by her peers. brigitte continues not to give a fuck about what anyone thinks of her, even though ginger is part of that world now and not their own. part of ginger’s transformation actually helps her gain social acceptance - she is now part of the “symbolic order” even as she transgresses it. i’m not saying her transformation doesn’t transgress this order, or that she gains the acceptance of everyone at her school - trina in particular certainly isn’t a fan - but especially at the beginning, the changes that she undergoes is perceived as her becoming a “normal” teenage girl instead of the freaky death-obsessed kid ostracized by her classmates. 

i would argue that ginger’s transformation makes her both super- and unfeminine - super-feminine in the sense that all the side effects of puberty for people with uteruses (menstruation, body hair/shaving, developing new body parts, hormones/mood swings, and awareness of sexuality/being sexually active) are exaggerated during her transformation - and a lot of these symptoms are ways in which a woman’s body is policed or found unacceptable or gross; unfeminine in the sense that, first of all, she’s becoming inhuman and gender is a very human concept, and second of all, she still doesn’t fit the mold of female expectation (i.e. shaving, dressing a certain way, being demure or nurturing, not being overconfident, not being a slut OR not being a prude, not having physical strength, etc). flaherty does make this argument via david j. hogan’s dark romance: sexuality and the horror film: “in complete confrontation with the classic view of the werewolf as ‘masculinity carried to an outrageous extreme,�� the werewolf is actually aligned with femininity carried to an extreme,” an idea that i think works really well in discussion of ginger snaps in particular. she also rejects the identity of “girl” several times - “wrists are for girls, i’m slitting my throat,” yelling at brigitte and saying she’s “just a stupid little girl” - and disparagingly points out the difference between the expectations for male and female sexuality - “he got laid, i’m just a lay.” so.... i definitely do get the interpretation of ginger’s death to have a kind of punitive logic for transgressing gendered expectations in these two different ways, but i think that’s a meta-criticism on the part of the writers, not the role that brigitte fills (for a movie that rejects the “death by morality call” of hollywood monster movies, they really did still punish her narratively for moral transgressions lmao - like flaherty says, “it appears that as subversive as the ginger snaps films are in respect to the werewolf narrative, they also reflect a deep cultural ambivalence about female identity. there is no option offered to ginger or brigitte, and due tot heir unwillingness to accept the roles predetermined for them in the society in which they live, they must be punished”). honestly i think i am nitpicking a little bit because i guess i do ultimately agree with flaherty that the story follows a normalcy > otherness > return to normalcy pattern with gendered ideas of what normalcy is, and where she loses me is her interpretation of brigitte and ginger’s social standing. to me, ginger seems really frustrated trying to navigate gender roles and her own position in society - but she is engaging with society.

you know who’s still not engaging with society? brigitte. she isn’t part of that “normalcy” at all, so to me, her rejection of the lycanthropy that ginger embraces signifies less that she sides with the social order and wants to reinforce normalcy, and more that she did a lot of growing up over the course of this movie as well, in a different direction than ginger did, and she reclaims her agency as well as her will to live. i feel like the monstrosity vs. normalcy framework ignores the fact that both ginger and brigitte are actively suicidal at the beginning of the movie - the first shot we get of ginger is her holding a knife to her wrist. at the beginning, brigitte hesitantly agrees to their suicide pact despite her obvious reservations. at the end, she strongly asserts, “i’m not dying in this room with you. i’m not dying.” so if we consider ginger’s mimetic role for brigitte, killing her isn’t reestablishing the social norm, it’s rejecting her own destructive and suicidal tendencies. i think her narrative arc teaches her: 1) how to make her own decisions separate from ginger and have agency in her own life, 2) recognition of her mother’s feelings of estrangement from her family, 3) how to connect with other people in a way that isn’t codependent, 4) rejection of suicide ideation. all of these lessons are ways of treating yourself and others with respect, compassion, and understanding - even though brigitte doesn’t change dramatically, magically becoming a saccharinely nice person or a social butterfly. she maintains her isolation and personality much more than ginger does over the course of the film. while at the beginning their fascination with their own deaths “not only demonstrates the duo’s disgust at the banality of their suburban surroundings, it also proclaims their self-stylized exclusion from the heterosexually fueled dynamics of the teen scene” (via menstrual monsters: the reception of the ginger snaps cult horror franchise), it’s ginger, not brigitte, who ends up participating in this “compulsive heterosexing high school culture,” where brigitte’s choice to not commit suicide isn’t her opting into this culture, but attempting to find a less destructive way of escaping or coping with it. 

flaherty argues that because brigitte’s first period is never discussed in the films, “she remains a child and therefore is unable to understand the true restrictiveness of woman as Other, what leads ginger to eventually embrace and enjoy her monstrosity,” but in unleashed, a fair amount of time has passed and i think it’s fair to say that brigitte no longer seems child-like (that role is assumed by ghost), and also she starts experiencing the same kind of monstrous sexuality as ginger did in the first movie - i think it misrepresents her characterization in the sequel to say that she maintains “child” status. i also think it’s not relevant to try to distinguish between “girl” and “woman” in terms of the monstrous-feminine. she still experiences alienation and otherness because she’s female and transgresses gender roles. so.... i don’t know. it’s a weird argument to make, especially since, like i said before, i consider this story a kind of coming of age for both sisters. “lycanthropy and femaleness” are not “ultimately unknowable” to her because.... she does become a werewolf over the course of both movies and she’s already female (like..... getting your period doesn’t magically make you a Real Woman lol)

i also think it’s significant that as a stand-alone movie (ignoring the sequel, which is worth watching but seriously bleak as hell) the ending is tragic but tacitly hopeful as well - as far as we know at that point brigitte has the cure (which actually works!) and is not going to kill herself. in her final confrontation with ginger, she has the cure in one hand and a knife in the other hand, and i think that nicely represents the choice that is hanging over her head the entire movie: choosing to live or choosing to die. (flaherty calls this “a telling moment of double phallic-appropriation” which..... meh. okay. not every weapon/tool used in a horror movie has to be a phallic symbol but also, sure, whatever. that’s one way to read it i guess). ginger made her decision at the very beginning of the movie 

this quote by karen walton expresses this interpretation really well:

The two sisters had this childhood bond with their pact. These two sisters were also best friends who created a bubble for themselves and took strength from each other, nourished and informed each other for a long time; but the film is not just the story of Ginger turning into a monster. It is also a story about Brigitte surviving her sister who is on a death spiral. Ginger's is a story of self-destruction. But where people get confused is that they think Ginger is the hero, but the film is really about a sister who survives a sister, who survives a best friend. An intimate relationship that becomes unhealthy and deadly.

and i’ve talked a little bit about why i feel uncomfortable with attaching a ~*girl power*~ narrative to ginger so i won’t get to much into that but i have some thoughts about that here 

also i’ve said a little bit about this before and i am basically copy/pasting from a post i already made but with a doppelgänger story like this, especially with a focus on women and madness, to me it immediately brings to mind jane eyre. i am thinking in terms of the mimetic function of jane/bertha and brigitte/ginger, with the repressed emotions and desires of the protagonist coming through in the actions of the “madwoman” character. especially brigitte’s assertion of “now i am you” when she voluntarily lets ginger turn her into a werewolf. the “madwoman” is portrayed as bestial, hypersexual, intemperate with substances, jealous, vengeful, as well as dealing with extreme anger toward confinement (ginger’s panic at getting locked up and her escape and weaponized sexuality brand of revenge is so similar to bertha like. trying to burn rochester alive and biting her brother badly enough that he passes out and other shit like that). but ALSO the other women in jane eyre have a mimetic function as well, where they can be read as potential paths for jane to follow (these choices generally can be summarized as dead or married). i think ginger snaps can be read the same way - ginger, trina, and her mother are the models of womanhood brigitte is presented with, and she is repeatedly told that what’s happening to ginger is normal, that all women experience that, and soon she will too. like the women in jane eyre, they’re models of femininity that she rejects but has to navigate because there are no other models for her. these three characters are either killed (directly or indirectly) or abandoned by her by the end of the movie. it’s actually ginger who defines the roles that women are cast into: “a slut, a bitch, a tease, or the virgin next door.” this is similar the female archetypes that jane has to navigate (and resist) throughout jane eyre. anyway this is a really roundabout way of saying that although brigitte does reject her worldview from the beginning of the movie, she doesn’t accept social order and normalcy. she doesn’t fall into any easily defined category. which is the point - “no one thinks girls do fucked up shit” but of course they do, no one thinks they can be more complex than these categories but of course they are, no one entertains the possibility that brigitte isn’t going to follow some made up universal experience of girlhood but she resists that through the end of the movie. she’s still a total weirdo <3

so yeah, i will also disagree with the assertion that both sisters lose their identities, because while i think there is a loss or a shift of identity in both ginger and brigitte, like flaherty argues, part of brigitte’s narrative arc is figuring out who she is without her dependence on her sister. brigitte saying “now i am you” feels less about loss of identity to me than actually identifying herself with the traits she sees (or used to see) in ginger - where ginger’s response (“i know you are, but what am i?”) indicates actual loss of identity rather than something transitory 

oh and also one of the main claims of this paper is that the male werewolf’s source of pain is beyond the “lifetime of morning-afters where he must confront the previous night’s excess,” and is really his “bodily alignment with another ungraspable Other, the woman” which 1) i don’t think follows the definition of the Other she establishes earlier in the paper as something that is repressed in a self or society - this use of “otherness” seems more about alignment with something different than his own identity and less about the jekyll and hyde comparison she evokes with the expression of a repressed self (imo i don’t think she should’ve used that story to support her argument since it isn’t actually about werewolves, even though i get her point about the repressed self, it’s kind of irrelevant to her argument), 2) brigitte in the first movie doesn’t seem repressed to me - she genuinely doesn’t seem to have the same impulses as ginger does and it’s not until the sequel that she actively is attempting to repress the changes that are happening to her; however, since the paper does concern the whole trilogy, i think the point is still valid, but there’s such a heavy focus on the first movie that i feel the need to dispute that interpretation of her character arc, and 3) i don’t think this interpretation really lines up with classic werewolf movies - there’s nothing particularly feminine about your standard werewolf except arguably the cyclical alignment with the moon that ginger snaps uses as a menstruation metaphor, but like. for example. i would never watch an american werewolf in london and think, “oh, his distress isn’t actually about killing innocent people, loss of control, loss of sanity, guilt and mourning because of the death of his friend, a predetermined fate, and suicide, it’s about him being female-coded” or something. like, yes, “the tragedy of the male werewolf is believed to lie exclusively in the deep anguish he feels in violating the very societal boundaries he has come to live under” and it’s interesting to dig deeper into that in terms of gender and sexuality, but i don’t think femaleness is inherent in the distress of the male werewolf - of course this is true in ginger snaps (with jason’s transformation being particularly distressing to him because it mirrors menstruation). the assertion that the classic werewolf “bleeds uncontrollably until his transformation is complete” similarly seems unfounded to me because i’ve never seen that in werewolf movies and she doesn’t cite where she finds that symptom of the transformation - maybe i am missing something there? if anyone knows of a depiction where that’s the case let me know, because that’s definitely a stronger argument for werewolves = menstruation-coded.

and re: the quote i cited earlier about werewolves = femininity taken to the extreme: i don’t think that argument holds true in the classic depiction/cultural perception of the werewolf. i think this post makes a more supportable (and concise) argument:

There are hardly any female werewolves because they break all the classic rules of femininity. They force you to confront female violence, strength, size, grotesqueness and uncontrollability. Historically female shapeshifters always shift into something dangerous (snake) or sleek (cat) or dainty (bird) but female werewolves ignore the masculine gaze completely. They're distorted beasts that have no ulterior motive except to destroy. Nothing about them is nurturing or modest. They're the opposite of what a woman "should be." Their omission from pop culture is not an accident.

all that being said, i did enjoy this article, especially starting at the section titled “wrists are for girls; i’m slitting my throat:” ginger fitzgerald’s monstrosity and all the stuff about ginger’s transformation as a reflection of "monstrosity” as a teenage girl, and suburban landscape of repression. one description of brigitte’s conflict that i actually really like: “unlike the male werewolf’s double, brigitte yearns not for the eradication of her other half but for the reconciliation.” i think it’s a really interesting read, even if i don’t agree with a lot of it. and maybe i’m way off base? maybe i’m interpreting brigitte as a character too generously? let me know what you guys think 

[cursed-ice-spirits]

HPMA PROFILE: ASTRID REES

Profile Template by @hogwartsmystory​ (I’M SORRY FORGOT TO CREDIT YOU)

IDENTITY

Birth Name: Astrid Lord

Current Name: Astrid Rees

Gender: Female

Age: 17 

Birth Date: October 10th, 1993

Species: Metamorphmagus

Blood Status: Half-blood

Sexuality: Lesbian

Alignment: True Neutral 

Ethnicity: Vietnamese / Greek

Nationality: Greek

Residence: Ipswich, England

THE MAGE

Wand: 

Hornbeam.

Dragon heartstring 

14 inches

Pliable 

Hornbeam selects for its life mate the talented witch or wizard with a single, pure passion, which some might call obsession - more kindly - vision, which will almost always be realized. Hornbeam wands adapt more quickly than almost any other to their owner’s style of magic, and will become so personalized, so quickly, that other people will find them extremely difficult to use even for the most simple of spells.

Hornbeam wands likewise absorb their owner’s code of honor, whatever that might be, and will refuse to perform acts - whether for good or ill - that do not tally with their master’s principles. A particularly fine-tuned and sentient wand.

Animagus: N/A

Misc Magical Abilities: 

Caldwell Veer - Ability to HOST spirits. Spirits can possess her partially and fully and speak through her, even use her body regardless if she gives permission or not, and she is 100% aware of what’s happening when she’s possessed. This is more of a passive ability than anything without the spirit magic, and is more likely to work against her than work with her. While Perseus and Theseus can protect her from spirits with horrible intentions just fine, if she is without the control of her body for too long, she can be more vulnerable, and her Greek ancestors can often… get carried away while controlling her body. 

Boggart Form: Herself staring out blankly with hollow eyes. She’s not doing anything. She’s not saying anything. She’s just standing there, like a husk.

Riddikulus Form: Laughter. Laughter spilling out from herself, eyes glinting, strong and proud. And in control of herself. Laughter, as she spun around and danced with glee

Amortentia: (What do they smell like?) Raspberries, roses and chamomile

Amortentia: (What do they smell?) Strawberries, honeycomb, lemon cheesecake, thyme and freshly cut grass

Patronus: Drakon

Patronus Memory: Unknown. 

Mirror of Erised: A family that actually loves her

Specialized/Favourite Spells:

Non-verbal magic. Mute. 

Curabitur verbum, a spell she created herself to summon words above her head to translate her sign language

Ebublio, learned as a just in case, and in an attempt to destroy a horcrux

Nebulus, learned to conceal her from sight if she ever needs to make a quick get-away

Relashio, learned because she hated being grabbed and will use it without hesitation

Sonorous, learned to project her classmates’ rude words and get them in trouble

APPEARANCE

Faceclaim: Veronica Ngo (base for artbreeder)

Voiceclaim: Phillipa Soo

Game Appearance: N/A

Height: 6’2

Weight: 170 pounds

Physique: Tall and lean, with muscles as someone who specializes with dual swords. She’s strong, and it shows. (varies as a metamorphmagus)

Eye Colour: Black, shining blue in the light (varies as a metamorphmagus)

Hair Colour: Black (varies as a metamorphmagus)

Skin Tone: Light tan (varies as a metamorphmagus)

Body Modifications: Ear piercings on both earlobes and three helix piercings. The helix piercings are gold bands that curl around her ear and the piercings on her ears are intricate crystals.

Scarring: A large V-shaped scar on her back, and a scar over her right eye

Inventory: 

Wand

Wood Carving tools

Thick sticks of wood

A knife 

Two gold rings that can turn into her swords 

A rose pin with a hidden knife 

A handkerchief that she never touches with her bare hands

A hand mirror

Fashion: Black and red. She dresses like a goth, with ripped leggings and black attire, chokers, spikes, boots, and fingerless gloves. She wears bits of red, but her most obvious red clothing is her flannel, which she wears around her waist during hot weather. She would go for more simple and practical black clothing if she is in a school or home setting, but will relax into a more intricate clothing if placed in a formal and fancy setting. It is noted that she will never wear colors other than red, as she thinks it doesn’t fit her. 

ALLEGIANCES 

Hogwarts House: Slytherin

Ilvermorny House: Horned Serpent 

Affiliations/Organizations:

Slytherin House

Chosens by Aphrodite

Olympia School of Magic (school by @kathrynalicemc​)

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Professions:

Undecided 

HOGWARTS INFORMATION

Class Proficiencies:

Astronomy: E

Charms: E

DADA: O

Flying: O

Herbology: A

History of Magic: E

Potions: E 

Transfiguration: O

Electives:

Magical Theory: O

Ancient Runes: O

Quidditch: Chaser

Extra Curricular: 

Quidditch 

Gladiator Dueling Club (formerly; in Olympia)

Arts Club

Dungeons and Dragons club

Favourite Professors: N/A. No opinion

Least Favourite Professors: N/A. No opinion

RELATIONSHIPS

Father: Jacob Vincent Lord

Pureblood

Slytherin

Black hair, black eyes, light tan skin

Natural Legilimens 

Researcher in mind magic and legilimency. Isolated himself away because of what happened during school, and handed the family to Rebecca.

Conceived her one day when he was venturing in Greece and had a one-night stand with a greek woman, who abandoned her at an orphanage

He has no idea of her existence. It is only when she showed up out of nowhere that he knew. He does try to be there but Astrid is distrustful of everyone around her so it’s awkward

Mother: Unknown Greek Woman

Jacob does not remember much about the women he conceived Astrid with, but he did remember she was a beautiful woman with dark brown curly hair and tan skin

Her intentions of abandoning Astrid at the orphanage are largely unknown, regardless if it’s good or bad but nonetheless, she was left there.

There is not much known about her, but what is known is that she is from a bloodline of two Greek heroes in greek myths, Perseus and Theseus, son of Zeus and Poseidon respectively

It is unknown where this woman is right now, but Astrid does not want to meet her, so it’s unlikely she ever will.

Love Interest: N/A

Best Friends: N/A

Rival: N/A

Enemy: Velia Caldwell and her followers

Dormmates: N/A

Pets: None

Closest Canon Friends: TBD

Closest MC Friends: None so far but do let me know if you want to be. Fair warning, it will take a while for Astrid to warm up to you

BACKGROUND/HISTORY

Before you get to know Astrid, you must get to know her father. Jacob Lord, the man who got expelled while searching for the fabled Cursed Vaults. Despite years after the Cursed Vaults were long broken, the trauma was still there, of being stuck in the portrait and putting his sister in danger. So, for the next few years after his sister graduated, he chose to isolate himself

His sister handed the Head position to him until he returned, and one of the places he went to clear his head was Greece. While at a bar, he met a woman that will later become Astrid’s mother. Months later, Astrid was born

She was abandoned at an orphanage, and as a child, she was loud and proud, never afraid to speak her mind. She was isolated and a loner, and years of bullying built up layers and layers of trust issues, and rendered herself mute. She stayed at this orphanage until she was old enough to attend Olympia School of Magic. She did not trust anyone, but slowly, slowly, she made herself a home at Olympia.

Until one day, one of the followers of Velia Caldwell traveling in Greece for a mission spotted her. While they can’t take their anger out on Rebecca’s children, they can take their anger out on Jacob’s, and so while she slept, she was taken from her home and to Britain, the memory of her life erased.

Led to believe she was given up to them, she lived in bitterness as she was treated as a weapon. They trained up her powers, and used her to summon spirits to her mind, and as her powers grew, her two ancestors slowly slipped into her mind, until the time was right. 

Perseus woke up first, wielding her swords, and used them to cut through and kill. Theseus woke up next, advising her on what to do next. She fled through the floo, carrying the handkerchief the followers insisted on protecting, and landed in Ipswich

Shortly after, she was found by a staff of Hogwarts, and taken to attend Hogwarts, where the events of her meeting her biological family took place

PERSONALITY

Manipulative: In order to survive the orphanage and Velia’s followers, she needed to be manipulative. This is a defining trait of hers, as she puts on layers and layers of masks to hide. She can turn from quiet and calm, to cruel and merciless in seconds. She’s a good liar, and she knows how to use people and get them to do what she wants. Add it to her ability as a metamorphmagus, she can twist people and use them easily. It’s not to say she’s a bad person per se, she’s just a traumatized girl who uses this to defend herself, not that it’s an excuse if she ever hurts someone

Distrustful and Paranoid: With how much she’s been through, it’s honestly no wonder she’s built up trust issues. She doesn’t trust anyone around her, and it’s only after a series of tests that allows her to trust you. She can distrust the right person and be proven of her suspicions… or she distrust the wrong person, and it can lead to consequences

Reclusive: Combined with her trauma and her trust issues, she would rather stay away from people then to interact with friends. She’s quiet and she doesn’t mind being alone. She’s not sullen though, she’s just quiet, and a loner. 

Self-Loathing: If there’s anyone Astrid distrusts more than anything, it’s herself. She does not think she deserves to be loved and upon discovering that she’s a lesbian, she believed that she doesn’t deserve that kind of love.

Protective: Those who pushed and pushed to gain her trust proved themselves as trustworthy, and Astrid is protective over these selected few. She keeps them close to her heart, and she can and will fight fiercely for them. But she knows what’s her fight and what’s not. 

Intelligent: Astrid is smart. She needed to be. She invented a spell that allows her to communicate with others and she has no hesitation in using the magic she can use and manipulating it to something out of the box. She takes in everything that went unnoticed by everyone else. It’s not like it’s hard. Everyone ignores the quiet person 

MISC

As stated before, Astrid is a selective mute. She doesn’t like to talk and prefers not to. She communicates through sign language, which she later makes a spell to help translate it. 

Astrid struggles at magic. When it comes to a real fight, she’s more likely to use her swords or base her magic around them. Her grades are what they are because she worked to get them where they need to be but in reality she’s only average. 

When it comes to learning new spells, she will have to practice them over and over again in order to get a handle on how they work, and due to being mute, she’s a master at non-verbal magic, so if she masters a certain spell, she can cast it without a sound or warning.

She’s ingenious enough to create a spell, but she needed the magic to make it work, so therefore she’s jealous of anyone who can get it on the first try. 

She learned her skills in sword fighting from the gladiator duels at her former school and although her memories of her former life were erased, her body still remembers how to use her swords and she won’t forget it if she continues to polish it up. It’s her proudest skill 

Her ancestors can only speak through her, not to her, and because she is very aware of what happens around her when she’s possessed, they often take over her body to advise her. Due to being children of Zeus and Posiedon, they would often argue over what’s best for her, and the constant switching of control leads to horrible headaches. 

She hated her will being taken from her. It’s her biggest fear. That one day, it’ll be taken from her too long that she will forever become a husk, as that’ll happen if she’s not in control for far too long. 

Astrid is noted to look a lot like her father, a fact that she resents once she finds out, not because she hated her father but because she couldn’t bear looking like someone who she believed had left her all alone. Once she finds out that he didn’t, she grows into it as time passes by. Her looks are the main reason how her biological family came to know who she is. 

She has a wood carving hobby. She likes playing with her carving knife when she’s bored and when she’s struck with inspiration she can be seen whittling away at some wood. That’s why she carries it around. 

Interested in Ancient Greece for very obvious reasons

The moment Rebecca saw her, she knew she’s Jacob’s daughter and was furious that he let her grow up without a family, as he knew what an impact it had on her. When Astrid is settled, Rebecca set off ready to make a man regret being born, only to realize he didn’t know

When it comes to her manipulation and masks, think of Claude from Three Houses, except she’ll be wearing a different type of mask, but the intention of appearing as someone you aren’t stays . Generally, she’s quiet (obviously) and she can be helpful, but she’s aloof. Of course, that is but a mask. Get past one and you’ll know she’s bitter, and she’ll want you to stay away from her. Get past another, you’ll know she’s a lot softer than you think. 

[ficsandcatsandficsandcats]

37 and 17 of the more smut prompts with Jask? Obviously no rush at all cuz you've got lots of fics coming up which I shall happily devour. I love your stuff! 💖💖 And I love a somewhat flustered bard 😍

Fandom: The WitcherPairing: Jaskier x ReaderWord Count: 3,141Rating: ETaglist: @heroics-and-heartbreak @whatevermonkey @mynamesoundslikesherlock @magic-multicolored-miracle  a/n: I have no good explanation for what happened here I just went totally rogue and it got away from me. Here is your novella. Hope you like it!

Flirting with Valdo Marx had been dirty play, but all was fair in love and war. What you had with Jaskier was a bit of both. Both of you too stubborn to admit the feelings you felt for each other. For you it was a matter of loyalty to Valdo, your longtime friend. For Jaskier it was a matter of pride, disbelieving that what you had with Valdo was merely friendship and determined not to fall for anyone who’d had the poor taste to love his rival. Yet you found yourselves drawn to each other, time and time again, falling into fights and into bed with equal frequency. Valdo had warned you that it would end in misery if you couldn’t be honest with yourself but you kept up this dance which was only recently starting to hurt more than it pleased. You knew that flirting with Valdo would inspire a special kind of anger in Jaskier and you watched with delight as the usually charming face took on a feral glint, watching you laugh just a bit too loud and find more reasons than strictly necessary to touch Valdo’s arm or shoulder. If Jaskier had been paying close attention he would have seen the unimpressed look Valdo gave you and the way he rolled his eyes, but he’d been focused on you. You had plans to meet up after the party tonight and you were worried when you saw him disappear that you’d pushed him too far, that he’d abandon the plans entirely. You had started out to find him when you were pulled into a dark corner, one hand covering your mouth before you could scream as the other one gripped you tightly in place and you found yourself staring up into a pair of pale, blue eyes that were stormy with equal parts anger and lust.

“When I get home, I expect you to be undressed and waiting on all fours for me,” he said, his voice low and demanding. You thrilled at the barely restrained anger and your body nearly tingled beneath his touch, a wild part of you wishing he would tear your clothes off and take you here behind a pillar where anyone could walk by and see. He released you though his eyes stayed on you as you forced yourself to defiantly walk away in a casual saunter though you burned to run home this instant. You left not long after, Valdo walking you to the door as he usually did though you knew Jaskier watched you both as you went, seething as your friend wrapped an arm around your waist.

“I thought you didn’t approve of my little charade,” You murmured, making sure to lean in close to his ear, so close that his curls tickled your nose and the bottle green eyes slid to give you a bemused look.

“Well, I don’t, because I fear it may hurt you in the end. But I do approve heartily of angering Jaskier,” he replied, his sonorous voice dripping with malicious glee. You laughed and you weren’t pretending to be amused this time, genuinely grateful to have your friend on your side though his concern also touched you and you knew you would have to unpack those feelings later.

As soon as you got home you took a hot bath, scrubbing every inch of your body until it shone in the candlelight. You considered what tools to have around at his disposal, the masochist in you gleefully eyeing a belt you’d forgotten to put away. You had lit the candles for ambience but also as another option for him to use. You debated where to be waiting for him, the bed seeming to be the most obvious choice but you knew he wanted you beneath him, as far beneath him as you could be. You laid a rug down on the cold, wood floor and knelt on it, reclining of your heels as you waited for the telltale sound of his approach.

You didn’t have long to wait. He didn’t bother to knock, perhaps hoping to catch you unawares, just another thing to fan his anger but he found you on all fours as ordered, naked and looking up at him with wide eyes and a wicked grin. He locked the door behind him and wordlessly set down his lute. He kept his eyes locked on yours as he pulled off his boots then worked at the buttons of his doublet and you watched, fidgeting with impatience as he methodically undid every single button and pulled it off. The undershirt gave you a hint of dark chest hair and the thin fabric offered a look at the silhouette beneath. You were familiar with his body but still you enjoyed this show. His eyes still glowered but you saw a little grin play about his lips, a grin that did not bode well for you but also sent a shiver up your spine. The undershirt came off next, muscular shoulders rippling as he pulled it off. You breathed deeply and he noticed it, slowing his hands as he worked at the laces. Pulling at the fabric so slowly he could see your fingers twitching, eager to reach other and rip them off.

“Do you have something to say?” he asked, finally breaking the tense silence. You raised your eyes from his waist to his eyes and cocked your head slightly to the side, a pantomime of confusion.

“How fares your health?” you asked, offering a sweet smile. He chuckled darkly and you swallowed hard as he pulled the trousers and smallclothes down in one fluid motion. He stood before you, naked and hard and angry and your heart leapt to your throat, licking your lips instinctively. He walked over to you in slow, steady strides until he was ride in front of you. He crouched down and seized the column of your throat with one large, calloused hand and held your face steady as he peered into your eyes.

“You thought you were being so clever, didn’t you?” he asked. It was a rhetorical question but the brat in you wanted to sass him back and he saw the rebellious glint in your eyes. He straightened up, sliding his hand from your throat to the back of your head, seizing a fistful of hair to guide your mouth onto his cock. You took him in your mouth eagerly, the sharp intake of breath he made as you massaged his length with your tongue, fighting to fit all of him in though it made you choke. He began to guide your head along his length as you worked hard to remember to breathe. You could feel his eyes on you and it spurred you on, trying to give him a good show as you hummed with satisfaction at the taste and feel of him in your mouth, reveling in the curses he muttered under his breathe.

“You’re not thinking of Valdo Fucking Marx now are you?” he asked, pulling your face roughly off of him to answer. You gasped, taking in a deep breath and he loved how you looked like this, on your knees, lips red and puffy and wet. You looked him dead in the eyes and he knew you were going to do something foolish.

“Well I sure as fuck am now,” you spat, grinning broadly. His eyes darkened and you scampered back a bit but he grabbed you by your heel and dragged you back under him, flipping you over unceremoniously and pulling you back up on your knees into the position you’d been in when he arrived though your back was arched and he had recaptured your hair, using it to pull you up against him as he aligned his cock at your entrance.

“Say his name, I fucking dare you,” he growled, his teeth grazing your ear.

“V-Valdo M-fuck,” you cried as he thrust into you roughly. He seized your hips and rutted into you, driving guttural moans from you as he claimed your body with seemingly no regard for your pleasure. You knew better, though. You knew that he was angling his body to hit you just right, just where you needed him, and after would felt embarrassingly quickly you were screaming his name as he drove your orgasm from you, digging in deeper and holding your legs steady as you trembled beneath him.

“Say it again,” he murmured, forcing himself to delay his own release, driven by the need to make you pay, “Say his name again.”

“F-fuck Jaskier I-”

“What was that? Who was that you said?” he asked. He was gloating and it irked you. You took a deep breath and he held himself still inside of you, feeling the way you still clenched around him as you came down from your high. His pressed his chest against you, the dark hair scratching against your back, and his lips traced kisses down your spine, oddly tender as he waited for you to admit defeat. You turned your face back to meet his eyes.

“Valdo Marx,” you said, enunciating each syllable clearly as his eyes darkened.

“You’re doing this on purpose,” he said, “You like it.”

“So do you,” you retorted, grinding against him, forcing a choked moan from his lips.

“Right,” he said, pulling out of you and leaving you feeling empty. He stood and crossed to the bed, hand in your hair again as he guided you over with him and pulled you onto his lap, facedown.

“I’d say that this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you but if it does, I’m not doing this right,” he said , holding you down with one arm. You opened your mouth to say something but the stinging pain of his hand smacking your ass silenced you.

“Valdo Marx Bard of Cintra, that’s 20 letters. You’re going to name each of them,” he said. You could see his length, still rigid against your stomach, precum rubbing onto your stomach as he jostled you against him, every letter signaling a new strike against your soon warm and reddened backside. By “F” you were struggling to breathe, tears stinging your eyes and a deep, aching need to be touched.

“You take your punishment so well,” he praised, switching tactics on you in a way that was somehow worse than the harsh words and the bastard knew it. His hand came down on you and you yelped and he massaged the redness again, large hand gripping your ass tight, just nearly brushing your soaking cunt.

“Look how you recite the letters for me you good girl,” he crooned, “Look how you writhe in my lap, soaking wet and wanting and all mine. Just for me.”

“Could be for Valdo Marx,” you spat, eager to return to the punishment, feeling vulnerable and nervous and painfully aroused at the sweet words he whispered to you. Though you hadn’t finished reciting the name he pulled you up so you straddled his thigh which you grinded against desperately. He lifted your chin up and gave you the kindest, tenderest, softest gaze he could muster while still wanting to fuck you senseless.

“But it isn’t, is it, Y/N/?” he asked. His voice was a soft plea with an edge of demand in it. He would accept no less than the truth and you knew it. So you stared at him, silently begging him not to make you say it, not to make you admit the feelings you held for him. His eyes were relentless, gazing into yours, the soft blue illuminated by the flickering candles.

“Is it?” he breathed the question against your lips as he pressed a soft kiss against them, gentle with you in a way that made your heart beat wilder than it had all night.

“No,” you breathed, a tear rolling down your cheek as you pressed your eyes closed, trying to shut out the earnest truth of his gaze. He kissed it away, pressed featherlight kisses against your whole face as you cried.

“Shh it’s alright,” he whispered, pulling you closer, holding you against his chest as you wept silently. He was still painfully hard but there would be time for that later.

“What are we doing?” you asked him, pulling back to meet his eyes.

“What do you want us to be doing?” he asked in turn.

“Don’t do that, don’t throw the question back at me. What do you want here, Jaskier?” you demanded. If you were going to have this talk you’d have it on your terms.

“I like you,” he said and you scoffed, wiping away the last tears that fell as your heart broke slightly.

“You like me? Fantastic,” you muttered bitterly.

“Y/N what do you want me to say?” he demanded. You looked into his eyes and thought how to answer. That you love me. That you want me. That you’ll put aside this stupid rivalry and choose me instead. That if you do feel for me, it’s real, and not just a ploy to hurt Valdo.

“The truth,” you said, though you knew it would hurt. You’d take a thousand lashes over what he was about to say. But you were brave and you could stand it. You could stand anything.

“I love you,” he said, the hardest blow of all. He watched in breathless anticipation as you thought over the words he’d said. He waited for you to laugh in his face or, worse, look pitifully at him and offer him an apology for your inability to ever feel the same.

“Oh tits,” you sighed, eyes falling to his chest where you placed a hand, threading through the coarse, dark hair on it, “I love you too.”

Jaskier started and seized your arms, pulling your attention back to his face.

“Y/N that’s a good thing? Isn’t it?” he asked, face struggling to keep up with the emotions he felt.

“It’s terrifying,” you said.

“It doesn’t have to be,” he argued.

“It is for me,” you insisted.

“Well… then we face it down together,” he suggested. You laughed at how simple he made it sound, as if you could simply face down these things. As if you should accept such help in the first place.

“I’m serious,” he said, “Look, I can’t tell you that it’s all going to be ok or that you’ll never regret it but if you want to do this, and gods, I really hope you do, then, “ he threaded your hand in his and squeezed it before continuing, “I’m in.”

More tears came to your eyes and Jaskier smiled at you hopefully, waiting for your answer. You pulled him in for a kiss, different than any you’d shared before. You’d shared angry kisses, passionate kisses, quick, sneaky kisses but never a kiss like this. One that was deep and slow and filled with meaning that you couldn’t put into words but knew you had to try. When you pulled back you fixed Jaskier’s half-lidded eyes with a determined look.

“Ok,” you said, feeling the word was too small and simple for what it was promising but Jaskier’s face broke into an expression of sheer joy and relief as though you’d composed and delivered an entire sonnet in his honor. He wrapped you back into a kiss and you threw your leg over him, fully straddling him so you could slide him inside of you. You both exhaled sharply in relief as you began to ride him, slow, deep strokes that pulled soft, low moans from you both as you continued to kiss, hands tangling around each other. This was something new and scary yet familiar and comforting all at once. A contradiction and somehow still the simplest thing in the world.

You loved him. He loved you. The rest would be unwrapped later. For now you allowed yourself to simply stay in the moment, focused on his breath against your lips and the tension already mounting quickly. Jaskier’s eyes sought yours as you came, watching with pride and just a bit of that familiar smugness as you unraveled in his arms, following you before you’d finished crying his name.

He held you close after you climbed off of him, wrapping his arms around you.

“You can stay if you want,” you offered awkwardly, not sure how to navigate these new emotions and understandings once the adrenaline wound down.

“Only if you’re certain,” he said.

“I am,” you replied. There was a sudden banging at the door and you both jumped out of bed. Jaskier seized his lute and held it ready like a weapon. You would have laughed at the bizarre sight of the bard, stark naked and wielding a lute, if you hadn’t been scared.

“Y/N?” you heard Valdo’s voice call from the other side of the door, “I just wanted to make sure you were ok.”

Jaskier rolled his eyes and started to march to the door when you stopped him and gestured to his still naked form. He looked for something to cover himself with as you wrapped the blanket from the bed around you and went to crack the door open the tiniest bit.

“Hello,” you said, trying to peek out at him calmly as though you couldn’t hear Jaskier fumbling around behind you.

“I just wanted to see if everything was alright. I usually hear from you by now – ah,” Valdo’s eyes fell into disdainful slits as he looked above your head and you knew he’d caught sight of Jaskier. You didn’t turn around, fearful of what amount of clothes he would or would not be wearing.

“She’s quite alright as you can see,” Jaskier said.

“You understand my concern,” Valdo said with a little sneer, “You’re usually so… efficient.”

“Valdo, everything is fine,” you said, cutting off Jaskier’s retort. Valdo’s emerald eyes scanned your face for a moment and then he nodded.

“Alright. So it’s over then?” he asked. “You’ve figured it out? Come to an understanding?”

You nodded and smiled, a broad, genuinely happy grin he couldn’t begrudge even if he didn’t understand how you could feel it for someone like Jaskier.

“Very well,” he sighed, “But I’m not going to be his friend.”

“Nor do I expect you to be. But you will go away,” you said with a friendly smile. He shook his head and gave you a little wave and you shut the door behind him, cutting off the glare he sent towards Jaskier. You turned around and burst into laughter, finding Jaskier had quickly covered himself with his lute.

“What? I was in a hurry!” he cried.

“Fucking bards,” you murmured, shaking your head as you crossed over to him.

“Just the one for you,” he said, and pulled you in for a kiss.  

[twitchesandstitches]

💀🥔❤️🗯️💛📚 - Power Girl, Wonder Woman, Tionishia, Centorea, Ranamon, Blue Diamond and Ahsoka Tano. (A bit of a long one, but i hope it works.)

omg that is a LOT tho

Power Girl: am leaning towards ‘rarely’. depends on how villainous they are; if not villain, then probably not. if villain, at least temporarily digestion? if they’re energy-based though, she may do so automatically regardless of whether or not she wants to, due to her powers

Wonder Woman: she follows mythic hero rules, so she does so in the same circumstances of slaying a monster, but she’s not casual about it

tionishia: depends on their threat level and how hungry she is. going with the idea that ogres are prone to extreme overindulgence, she might do so if they taste good or make her feel super FULL

centorea: more likely than not, yes, especially if they are plant-based; it mixes with horse and human cravings a lot, and she regards it as part of the whole point of swallowing someone.

Ranamon: Rarely; its very contextual. she may be called to do it for her duties or removing things that need to be hidden, like consuming forbidden lore.

Blue Diamond: I like to think that she used to be a ferocious and merciless devourer, adn while she’s TRYING to be a better person, the compulsion to simply swallow whole and digest anything offending her on a whim.

Ahsoka: I figure that while the Jedi Code permits this sort of thing (since they don’t have any particular restrictions against necessary killing), overindulgence is frowned upon. This Ahsoka may or may not abide by the Code, but it still influences her, so she tries to restrain herself.

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Does your muse prefer lazy, fat prey?

Power Girl and Wonder Woman: Not really! they tend to view devouring as a tool in their arsenel, not as an end in itself, and they don’t have many preferences.

Tionishia: Almost certainly; she enjoys rich, tasty treats, especially ones that have so much meat and succulent tastes of self-indulgence on them.

Centorea: she doesn’t PREFER them, but she likes this kind of prey, but refuses to admit it; she feels that implying she prefers easily caught prey implies ineptitude.

Ranamon: I think that feels about right for her?

Blue Diamond: Very likely! Perhaps at one point, she created Gems specifically to devour large amounts of resources, getting very big in the process, and BD ate them in turn to recoup the resources.

Ahsoka: Again, no particular preference there.

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Tell us about a great experience your muse has had with vore!

Power Girl: She once ate an entire sun, getting a massive power boost and size increase; we’re talking taller than a solar system, boobs bigger than the rest of her body, and a power increase to match. it didn’t last but it felt REALLY GOOD

Wonder Woman: She slew an incarnation of Jormagundr in this fashion with her god-buddy, Thor; it was the biggest meal she ever had!

Tionishia: She had a date with fem Kimihito, and her ravenous appetite demanded more and more, and Kimihito offered herself to her; it was a very lovely digestion and Tio was so FULL, and suspects it was the love involved that satisfied her.

Centorea: She took part in a competition where the losers would be meals for the winner, and she won in splendid fashion. She was merciful and allowed them to reform not long afterwards, but she was so STRONG, and her gut so swollen with their wriggling bodies as they dissolved into her, and she relishes the pleasure of that day.

Ranamon: Once devoured a terrible grimoire of ultimate evil, obscuring its dreadful secrets from the multiverse; she actually had something of a tummyache for a while, but it was worth it.

Blue Diamond: After reforming her ways, she repopulated multiple worlds by consuming them and gestating entirely new, fertile ones within herself. IT felt intensely pleasurable and the first truly good thing she had done in a long time, and it gave her a sense of purpose after the fall of the Gem empire.

Ahsoka: At one point, confronted and bested a dreadful wizard of the bleakest arts, overcomign his powerful abilities to consume him. at the time she’d been suffering something of a crisis of confidence, and it reignited her sense of skill and purpose.

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Does your muse experience stomach rumbles or burps after eating someone?

Power Girl: unlikely. probably lots of solar glowing, though.

Wonder Woman: Briefly. sounds like continents moving.

Tionishia: Yes. it is VERY loud and sounds like her belly is bigger on the inside.

Centorea: Yes. very, very loud, due to her multiple chambered stomachs (A combo of human stomaches, horse stomaches, and the weird ways they interact together.)

Ranamon: Kind of; no rumbles or burps normally, but there’s a strange sound as they are converted into pure data.

Blue Diamond: She does not burp or rumble at all unless she specifically wants to, because of how Gems work; digestion rarely involves fluids, for example, but converting prey into magical energy to be absorbed directly or reworked into another form. She CAN, if she wants to.

Ahsoka: Yes. pretty noisy, actually.

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What sort of pred does your muse like?

Power Girl, Wonder Woman: They are similar in that they don’t liked to be preyed upon at all; they’re big time heroes and this sets a poor example, and they’re too fierce to easily have the submissive mindset that characterizes prey in one way or another. you must be WORTHY to do so, but their definitions vary; Power Girl thinks you must be strong, while Wondy feels you should just have the courage to try. (You might not be able to survive trying, though.)

Tionishia: She requires that you be at least somewhat polite. Sort of like taking a girl out to dinner, really.

Centorea: She professes to firmly disapprove of this, but in secret, she does like this, but requires a firm subordinate/superior relation between herself and the pred, with pred as superior.

Ranamon: Kind of prefers her preds to be cool and interesting, and technologically based; not out of bias against organics, but due to her composition, she’s only likely to experience anything if they are able to process data. (Which CAN happen with powerful organic preds anyway, but she’s not aware of this.)

Blue Diamond: She does not like to be eaten. She is still proud and mighty, and sees herself as far above the likes of prey!

Ahsoka: Someone who is very much NOT dark side-aligned, emotionally speaking, tends to fit the bill.

-----

How many times has your muse been digested or inside a pred’s stomach?

Wonder Woman: Rarely. It’s happened a few times, and its treated as the mutually exclusive deaths of heroes in ancient myths, but she’s loath to have repeats.

Power Girl: A few villains have managed it, and some heroines as well; tends to get her miffed, too.

Tionishia: Reasonably common, though they must be pretty big or voracious to contain so much ogre inside them! She thinks its cuddly and sweet.

Centorea: She’s more common a predator than prey, but it’s happened; once by fem!Kimihito, Rachnera and Tio, and most frequently by Miia, who is now sporting a REALLY big pair of boobs that was once Centorea’s physical body in previous times.

Ranamon: She’s embarassed to admit that she’s frequiently called to upload viruses to enemy servers or networks, and this involves getting ‘eaten’ by manifestations of those servers in the digital realm.

Blue Diamond: she’s bigger than a planet even when she’s not trying, and can be considered a goddess by most standards; it’s RARE. but it can happen! (Rose Quartz and Connie have both done it, on separate occasions.) She doesn’t approve of being reminded of it!

Ahsoka: If the Jedi have vore duels, she’s probably lost a fair number of times, though not in recent times. in her travels, she’s lost her fair share of consumption battles, so she’s familiar with the inside of guts.

[inventors-fair]

Let’s Talk Flavor: Commentary

I would say overall that most of these cards were fantastic and a great number of the story ideas were good. There will be parts where I suggest edits, and the thing about story edits is, well, it doesn’t impact game design. That’s the thing about the Fair and the thing about Magic in general: the whole thing could be replicated with number systems and program lines and it would be the exact same. It’s the fact that a creature has Flying, or that a spell is made of Lightning that makes the game exciting. This was an interesting experiment. 

Let’s talk about cards!

@ace-hobo​ — Captain’s Wrench

This is a perfectly fine card. I like the “fixed” Voltaic Key style, the moderate power level. It’s a card that someone would probably be middling in artifact decks but fine in budget builds. I’m sort of feeling an Ixalan vibe, maybe with a little steampunkishness. I get that the wrench belongs to De, but it’s a little confusing regarding why they have the wrench. If they’re the captain and they’re not in the engine room, why is the card depicting a tool that would suit them better if they never left the engine room? Maybe the story should be about how DESPITE their captain status, they spend time in the engine room. It’s an easy enough tweak.

@cas-420 — Boiling Blood

The card is pretty good. It’s very aggressive and has synergistic potential. I really don’t see where the flavor is tying into it. I am favorably inclined towards your text, in concept. I can see where you were making the pun on “execution.” The wording is clunky with the repeated syntax, and could have just used the execution line. But what does that have to do with the card? The flavor evokes dissent, protest, retaliation. The flavor of the card evokes speed, purpose, initiative. It’s not a perfect tonal match. I would save the text for a different card with a clearer purpose

@dabudder​ — Wisdom of the Tides

In terms of card wording, I believe you’d be looking for something like Mysteries of the Deep, where you have an “instead” wording — unless you’re supposed to draw an additional card after? It’s a little confusing how you have it now. Still, Flourish is a fine mechanic, executed well. This was pretty close to being a runner-up. I like the nod towards crabs. We’ve been having a crab mood lately. Overall, not bad. Might need to be four mana, but that’s me being cautious.

@deafeningsandwichpeach​ — Jyska, Artificer Overlord

The name is probably the best thing about this card, and it’s fair enough for a legendary creature. Considering that this is essentially the Nim ability from original Mirrodin and that it’s a vanilla creature otherwise, I would contest that you’re severely overestimating the power level of this card. It’s not as strong as it seems. In terms of flavor text, this is basically exposition. I won’t dissuade you from story-rich cards, but there’s too much information presented in a manner that overloads the reader. Simplify, punch, beat, punctuate. In terms of presentation, the whole block should be in quotes, and you don’t need to attribute the quote if the character’s on the card itself.

@demimonde-semigoddess​ — Thaw

Great name, great snow flavor. I can see this in the tundra wastes, something emerging from the snow, bursting out. I had to do some digging. As it turns out, “gelid” is a real English word I had no idea about! I thought from the shackles and your flavor text that it was some Coldsnap lore. In terms of the text itself, it’s not bad. It’s just that the two statements are somewhat disconnected. They work both on their own, but together, they don’t gel well. Still, bonus points to mechanical flavor for an anti-ice feel.

@dimestoretajic​ — Phytotemple

The card is pretty funky for an uncommon, pushed but not busted. I’d call it a pain in the butt but no more than Wayfaring Temple. Ah, I see, the wayfarers, an homage. But there’s a lot I don’t understand. Who lost the wayfarers? Who’s saying this quote? Why did the phytotemples start appearing in general? Did the original wayfaring temples break into them? What does Selesnya have to do with construction crews? How is that related to the phytotemple’s physiology and motivation? Most importantly, why is there a street named after a Selesnya dissident? I think you should have focused on one specific area of the card’s backstory.

@emmypupcake — Bloom Nurturer

I was really surprised that there wasn’t a card already named this. In terms of card wording, look at High Tide or Bubbling Muck; I think it would read “Until end of turn, whenever you tap a Forest for mana, add an additional G.” The quote doesn’t light my world on fire, but it fits well and reads well. Just remember to indent the attribution with shift+enter. Overall? Good enough.

@fractured-infinity​ — Shara, Skalla Vengeant

I had to do a little digging, but I like how you incorporated Vivien’s lore in here. That said, Skalla is also, well, destroyed, presumably forever. Where did the spirit come from? Is it wandering around Skalla? In that case, did Vivien go back? Why? That raises a couple questions. In terms of this card, it’s broken. In anything but the most pushed Commander formats, it’s three mana to deal seven damage to any creature you want with minimal repercussions. Any prevention makes her impossible to deal with. In limited, she would sweep unfairly.

@ghost31415926535 — Man-Eater Wurm

Firstly, I would like to apologize for the flavor bar being in the middle of the line. That’s my bad. Let’s talk about the rest of the card. In concept, it shouldn’t be too overpowered. But deathtouch and trample together create complex rules baggage that many casual players simply don’t understand. Nine times out of ten, they’ll never be printed together. Seeing that this is exactly how you submitted it, consider for next time: Only the first keyword needs to be capitalized in a string. Something like Unearth needs its own line. The flavor text is standard enough. Just remember that quote attribution also needs its own line.

@gollumni​ — Gives You Hell

I love the name here. I got that All-American Rejects song stuck in my head now. Remember that one? Anyway. Firstly, you don’t need to put “target” there; “Enchant creature” implies it. Secondly, and least importantly, don’t forget you can add watermarks in MSE! Thirdly, the flavor text. I get it, but it doesn’t flow great. If there was some wordplay to be done on fire-spitting and whatever turn of phrase you used, like, “spitting poison” in the literal sense — I don’t know, I just expect something a little more concise. It’s a great concept and has the potential to be very funny, so points there. Also, the card itself? Fantastic.

@greensunzenith​ — Decorated Demon

Liking the name. I don’t like how this card has to be a rare. It’s more of an annoyance than anything. It feels like a card that prevents decisions. It’s not aggressive, nor is it particularly interactive. Conceptually it works, but I’m not in favor. The flavor text is a bit of a head-scratcher. The real question is: who is giving demons sigils? How do they become redeemed? On what world CAN demons become redeemed? This isn’t a Bant thing, is it? I’m a little lost as to the specifics, since it doesn’t play into any tropes and doesn’t inform the world in a recognizable way.

@i-am-the-one-who-wololoes​ — Goblin Decorator

If the flavor text had simply been, in quotes, “Earwigs would go so well with that wallpaper!”, then this card could have been a runner-up. Also, this should definitely be an uncommon. The effect is awesome and powerful and annoying and plays into a variety of strategies. Still, the flavor text is just...too much. It’s a lot of text that tells a story that doesn’t really need to be told. We get enough from the name and that last sentence, combined with a fun ability that matches the card. That’s all we need! Gotta simplify.

@ignorantturtlegaming​ — Dust, Revenant Force

For future cards, I would highly recommend reading up on design philosophy, what Magic’s colors are about, and how cards come into being. There are a lot of questions that this card raises, and a lot of things that need to be edited.

Green doesn’t get first strike, certainly not mono-green.

Why does this card cost five green mana? What does it provide for the limited/constructed environment?

It should be “Fox Warrior.”

The first thing about the flavor text is that there is far too much of it. It’s exposition for exposition’s sake. Fine in a high fantasy short story, but not on a Magic card.

The second thing about the flavor text is that Dust appears to be a white-aligned character through their actions and themes. I don’t feel anything green about them.

@juggernaut-is-a-metalhead — Devil’s Payment

I’m going easy on card art attribution since, well, it’s Disney and they are indeed evil, but in the future, please attribute it to the show itself and/or the director/copyright holder. So, the card itself. Is it supposed to be a common? Is it an homage to Cruel Bargain and Infernal Contract? This certainly isn’t a common effect, and for one mana, well, I don’t know what to say about this card. In terms of the flavor text, why is everything separated in lines like a poem? It’s way too long to fit into a card with three lines of rules text already. I don’t really understand what it’s even trying to say. The devil asked for the MAN’S youth. What does that has to do with his own? And why is it only sometimes capitalized? I don’t really understand this at all.

@koth-of-the-hammerpants — Hidden Bombardier

Great name. For the card text, it’s powerful, arguably fine in the right format, but very strong regardless. It also needs to say “It deals 3 damage” instead of just “Deal.” Gotta get past the 90′s, erryone. So now, the flavor text... I kinda get it? I just don’t understand what makes this card a shapeshifter. I don’t understand the world in which shapeshifters exist. This card feels like a Goblin. It’s an interesting kamikaze take, if a little too flowery and on-the-nose. It doesn’t exactly inform me, and it doesn’t exactly excite me.

@mardu-lesbian​ — Ballynock Adoptee

I had to look up to make sure that there were dwarfs on Lorwyn, and by golly, you’re right, there are! In RW hybrid in Eventide, anyway. And that brings up to a major story problem. By the introduction of dwarfs, the world has already plunged into Shadowmoor, and the thoughtweft has already been replaced with the mindweft. I’m stealing this from the wiki, so berate me if I’m wrong, but I always got the sense that the kithkin were highly xenophobic regardless of where the Great Aurora was. The jarring question that remains is: how does a non-kithkin creature become part of the thoughtweft/mindweft? It goes against what we know about the Kithkin and the world in general. If there’s a good explanation, I’m all ears, but I’m not convinced at this point in time.

@mistershinyobject​ — Phenax’s Messenger

Bonus judge trivia time: I studied Latin in high school and a little in college. From what I can tell about The Callapheia from other cards bearing it’s flavor text, it is meant to evoke classical poetry from Greek and Latin epics. The lines are written four at a time, indented carefully. HERE is a link to all cards with “Callapheia” in the flavor text. The gist is, this card does NOT evoke that. There’s a lot of text, a lot of quotes, a lot of forced story that could have been way punchier if you just had stuff about a snake eating a prophet. I love the card as a limited filler. But yeah, gotta do more research into what it means to have certain aspects on your cards.

@nicolbolas96​ — Unpredictable Betrayal

You know, it’s hard to evoke Nicol Bolas well in flavor text. He’s one of Magic’s major villains, a huge face of many sets, with years behind him. And honestly? You didn’t do a half-bad job in this flavor text. Props! That said, this card is way busted. For one, double strike doesn’t affect fighting at all, so that’s...something. For two, it would need to be three sentences; you did a run-on for that last one. For three, mechanically? This is a two-mana spell that eight times out of ten will absolutely destroy two creatures you don’t control. In limited, that’s insanely powerful. In any format that plays creatures, that’s usually amazingly good. There’s a reason spells like Blood Feud and Clash of Titans cost what they cost. Getting two creatures you don’t control to fight is powerful.

@nine-effing-hells​ — Cairn to Athusis

Actually, this card was one of my favorites from the contest. I’m a heavy Gruul player when I’m not playing cruel control, and I think the gist of this card is super interesting. You made it an enchantment artifact AND a shrine, giving flavor there as well to your new world. The only thing I would have changed is erasing that first sentence from your flavor text entirely. The second is so powerful that it stands on its own. It’s poetic without being overwrought, specific to the world and building off of known tropes. Also, it tells us that “orcs are RG in this world” which is a great mechanical touch. Just needed that little bit of trimming.

@real-aspen-hours​ — Deflect Consequences

Now this is an interesting card!... What practical use does it have? I’m curious what this has on something like Harmless Offering. I don’t believe that cast triggers will be affected. Maybe it would specifically go against things like “counter target spell you don’t control” or something, but if control changes... I’m uncertain of this card’s applications past the gimmick point. That said, it would be fun to cast a Leveler and have it enter the battlefield under an opponent’s control. I’m not in love with the flavor text. It’s fine. Doesn’t light my world on fire. A touch wordy. But it’s fine. Fits the name and the ability well, so that’s nice.

@reaperfromtheabyss​ — Inconquerable Alseid

Besides the fact that “Hope” should be lowercase and separated by a colon, the flavor text is really cool! I don’t like this card much. It’s honestly fine, and it’s an interesting commander card that could lead to some cool consequences, but there’s a reason Undaunted has reminder text. It doesn’t look good floating there by itself. There are some abilities that just need reminder text all the time, and Undaunted is on so few cards that it significantly needs this. I think I was a little too harsh on this card on my first go-around, but I haven’t warmed up to it yet. I think the great flavor could have been used on a simpler, more protective card.

@scavenger98​ — Kadalla the Scornful

I’m 99% sure it should go “First strike, deathtouch, haste.” Order of keywords is weird sometimes. So are creature types. I don’t really understand the world on which an Elf can be Mardu colors. It’s a stretch of the imagination to say the least. The card itself is...fine? I’d honestly make her an uncommon in today’s world. Yeah, she’s powerful, but she’s a 2/1 for three with all different mana symbols. Regarding the flavor, it’s well-worded, but it’s lengthy and doesn’t actually tell us anything about the character or the world. It doesn’t inform the card, and that’s its major misstep. Again, though, good writing.

@shandylamb​ — Multani’s Offspring

A fine card, a funny flavor. Just so you know, though, “Saproling” is pretty much only relegated to the token, and this card would probably see print as a plant or fungus. And additionally, as nice as the pun is... What’s this card even trying to say in the story? Multani’s only known child is Muldrotha, and that’s deep lore as-is. As funny as this card might be, it really doesn’t mesh with a Magic feel.

@starch255​ — Unscrupulous Horpske 

There are only two things I’m concerned about. Firstly: what about this creature makes it “unscrupulous?” What scruples does it have normally in its species? Secondly, this card is trying to make potato salad canon in the multiverse, and I don’t know if such a travesty would be allowed to happen. Potato salad is an affront to taste, no offense to the horpske.

Literally everything else about this card is a 10/10. I would also encourage you to work on a set symbol. Everyone should!

@teaxch​ — Hidden Seers

Interesting. So what timeline is this? Is this supposed to be, like, a return to Tarkir? Cool concept, I think, although I’m not entirely sold. After hearing the shaman’s whispers, why is Surrak’s first instinct to assume that without dragons a human would lead the clan? Wouldn’t the thought of a world without dragons evoke other thoughts and fears first? That’s my main hand-iffy-motion reason. This is also a supremely petty nitpick, probably the pettiest thing I’ve ever said about a card, but if this is the Dragon timeline then wouldn’t the watermark be the Atarka one instead of the Temur one?

@tmstage​ — Apostasy

Everything about this card is good...individually. Great name, but what does that have to do with the ability? What is it trying to depict? What does shuffling your library have to do with religious dogma? And the flavor text feels overbearing. Nykita as a character is someone I’d like to know more about, but this card doesn’t tell me much about her. It’s mostly that the mechanics and the flavor don’t mesh in the least, and, well, it’s not a good mechanic. Shuffling is time-consuming, game-prolonging, and has no discernible benefit to the game outside of incredibly niche cards that mostly don’t affect you as the player. And the more I read the flavor text, the less it makes sense. “Allow the world to deform your flawed notions?” It sounds awesome, but what does it mean?

~

Thank you all for your submissions. New contest tomorrow. 

[theritualofourexistence]

One challenge of white ally-ship in the age of BLM.

In the age of Black Lives Matter, how I’m hoping this chapter of life gets labeled some day, being a white ally has presented new challenges. I’m working through these challenges in the only way I can, listening and learning from Black and POC voices. There are maybe two things I’ve been hung up on consistently over the last few days and I think I had a bit of a breakthrough. Part of me wants to write this out just to write it out, but I would be lying if I implied this post was only for me. If you consider yourself a white ally, I suspect you’re meeting challenges too. And maybe some of what I’ve landed on can resonate with you as well. Most of my communication with others is happening through social media and messaging apps. This is for safety reasons, of course, and because I genuinely believe social media is a tool we can use for change. I’m not here to have that fight with you today. In my various feeds, I’ve seen a handful of white people say things like, “well, _____ is Black and he’s not out marching/he believes all lives matter/Blue lives matter/he’s a cop and he says this is all bullshit.” Etc. This is a challenge because what is happening right now in this country does indeed require white folks to listen to Black and POC voices. In a lot of cases in my feed, I don’t ever get to interact with the Black people these white people are speaking for. Maybe they don’t exist. But I don’t consider that a fair assumption. So, for the sake of the argument, let’s say they do exist. I will note here that none of the Black or POC voices in my feed have said anything remotely close to these things that I’ve heard reiterated by white folks as excuses for their silence or opposition. But, as I said, for the sake of the argument, let’s say they exist. It hasn’t seemed appropriate for me to preach listening to Black and POC voices and then shut down these white people when they do just that. So how can I, as an ally, navigate this sticking point in a conversation I believe may have some impact of value? Keep in mind, I know I’m not magically changing any minds. But I do have the tools, mostly communication skills, to share a new piece of information in a way that may be understood for the first time in another person’s life. I believe I can do this because I’ve done it before in other contexts... but again, not here to have this fight today. So, when a conversation about the protests in this country goes in this direction, how can I, as an ally, proceed? Here is a thing I know that is true of all humans, regardless of race or culture. We all experience things differently. Your experience is never exactly the same as someone else’s. This is because even if we survive the same event, our points of view differ, as do our backgrounds and philosophical/spiritual beliefs and our neural processing techniques. No two people will survive the same trauma in the exact same way. Now for the hypothetical. Let’s say ten people experience the same event. Of these ten, six eventually speak out. Though they lived it differently, each of the six experienced trauma during their shared event. Maybe some of the six seek therapy or other psychiatric treatment to overcome their trauma. Maybe some of the six find healing in telling their stories. Maybe one of the six turns to alcohol to self-medicate. In a situation like this, it will never be appropriate to say to those six individuals, “it couldn’t have been that bad, those other four people were there and they are fine, so you should be too.” First of all, we don’t know for sure that those other individuals are fine. Maybe those four are processing things differently. But yes, it is also possible that they weren’t traumatized by the shared experience. Even if they weren’t though, we don’t get to be the people that decide that the four are “right” and the six are “wrong.” In any situation that statement is true, but it’s especially true when we didn’t witness the same event those ten people did. Each perspective of those ten people deserves to be heard and valued. But it’s vital that we learn to value one without devaluing the other. 

In a situation where four people are saying, “no really, everything is fine,” and six people are saying, “I am not okay, and things are not fine.” It is our responsibility to hear them all. After we hear them, though, what must we do next? Well, if those four people really do believe that everything is fine, then maybe we don’t need to do anything else for them. If the other six people ask for help, though, we help them. 

I would never imply that I know anything at all about what it is like to be Black in this country. I do know what it’s like to be traumatized and to not be believed. Nothing in my comfortable and privileged life has been as physically and emotionally challenging as telling my story and having the people in my life refuse to hear my truth. One of the greatest and most simple gifts we can give to others is simply believing them and validating their experiences. 

If the event in the hypothetical is being Black in America, obviously not everyone will respond to that the same way. Not everyone will be presented with the same foundations, backgrounds, choices, and experiences. 

Is that metaphor clear? 

Black outrage is not hard to find right now. If you’re not seeing it, you’re choosing not to look. It’s our responsibility to look. And then it’s our responsibility to listen and change our behavior in a way that contributes to their fight. 

This metaphor is far from perfect. But it has helped me clarify my thinking and maybe it’ll do the same for you. 

Some of the most important things that are not included in this metaphor are the numbers. 

The numbers make it clear that Black outrage is justified. 

The numbers make it clear that Black people are disproportionately beaten and killed by police. 

The numbers make it clear that Black people are disproportionately incarcerated, often receiving harsher sentences than white folks for the same charges and crimes. 

The numbers make it clear that Black people are disproportionately given the death penalty and disproportionately executed. 

If there is a Black person in your life who does not seem to agree that Black outrage is justified, they’re entitled to their perspective. Being Black is an experience white people have judged and governed without understanding for far too long. That person’s perspective, however, does not eliminate the reality of Black outrage and it does not eliminate the numbers that justify Black outrage either. 

I am working hard to be an ally. I am working hard to listen to all Black and POC perspectives. As white allies, we don’t get to pick and choose which Black voices appeal the most to us. It’s our responsibility to take it all in. In this case, that has demanded that I find value in Black perspectives that oppose the movement that has been unfolding across generations and is now blooming in the streets of our cities all across the country. If I can find a way to see both points of view, however, so can you. It’s fine to align yourself with and support the Black people in your life who oppose this movement... but that does not give you the right to devalue or ignore the movement. Both perspectives have value, and both deserve our attention. 

In the effort to listen and understand, though, you, as a white ally, don’t have the right to use any Black perspectives as an excuse to look away from what is happening in this country. Even though _____ says it’s not bad, ____ and _______ and _______ and _____ say it is. And if you’re gonna listen to your friend, you’re morally responsible to hear and process those other voices as well. 

Oh, and don’t forget, in your listening and processing, that the numbers justify Black outrage. 

Note: One of the challenges I am facing in my white ally-ship is the desire to speak in a way that does not draw attention away from Black or POC voices. It is not my job to lead this fight. It is my job, however, to be a white ally and to encourage the white community around me to do the same. That is the intent behind this post. In case it was not absolutely clear, this post is in no way meant to minimize the experience of being Black in this country, which I know I cannot even begin to understand. 

Photo borrowed from The Atlantic, taken by Scott Olsen.

[fuelcut]

Silicon Valley’s imaginary Q2 2020 earnings call

[switch to long version]

CEO, MEGA TECH CORP - Hello everyone. These aren’t normal times. We’re not going to talk about our 10Q on this call. We’re here to talk about the next 10 years. So if you’re here for DAUs, ARR or CPC, you can drop off now.

We’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the race, health and economic crises our country faces. Over the last few weeks, I’ve asked our exec team to leave their homes, their [Zoom alternative] calls and their DoorDash deliveries to join protests and explore our community through new eyes.

What we now see - more clearly than ever - is that our entire company, industry, and Valley - are built on flawed foundations. A flawed social contract.

We can no longer just focus on the magical software bits and hope someone else figures out racial equity, employment, climate and health. This is Joel Spolsky’s Law of Leaky Abstractions on the ultimate scale. The abstractions are failing - and we’re seeing bugs and unintended consequences all around us. And the more we invest to deal with one-off bugs, the more likely we are to calcify change and imprison ourselves inside a failing stack. It’s like we decided to build the world’s notification service on Ruby on Rails - or building an iPhone competitor on Windows CE. Fail Whale everywhere. Unfortunately, America’s democratic institutions are in poor condition. They are struggling to deal with inequality let alone looming environmental disaster.  A polarized electorate - particularly at the national level - leads to populism and makes it hard for these institutions to execute meaningful, long-term plans.

We talk a lot about speech, misinformation, fairness of targeted ads etc. But it’s becoming clear that UX, linear algebra/training data and monetization in our products is just the tip of the spear to address polarization. We believe polarization is a product of the underlying conditions of civil rights, education, health and climate debt that affect Americans differentially based on race, wealth, neighborhood and region. 

So will today’s peaceful protests for racial justice expand into tomorrow’s revolution(s) for economic freedom? If you don’t think things are bad now, think about what happens when the stimulus checks run out. Take a look at the amount of debt in the public sector, use any imagination about COVID, work out what happens to their tax base / pension returns and consider the impact on public services, public servants and their votes.  MMT better be a real thing. Maybe we didn’t start these fires, but that refrain won’t save us when the flames come our way.

We’re done debating why we need to act. It’s clear America needs our help. Let’s talk about how we’re going to rise to the occasion. Our mantra will be “internalize, innovate, institutionalize”.

First, we’re going to internalize our problems. I’m here to tell you that issues of racial and economic justice are not just moral issues but they’re financial issues. Racial debt, education debt, health debt, climate debt  will hit us harder and harder each year.  (By the way, revolution probably won’t be great for your DCF models.) So we’re going to recognize these off-balance sheet liabilities - which amount to a few hundred billion in the US alone over the next 10 years for a company at our scale. You should assume other CEOs are thinking the same things - even if it takes them a few more quarters or years to say it.  

Second, we’re going to innovate against these systemic problems - but our only shot at making progress is if we realign the entire company’s mission to address them. This is not about optics. This is not about philanthropy. This is not another bet.  We have no choice but to put all our chips behind one bet - America - at least to start. It's the country that backed us in the first place, it's where most of our people are and most of our profits. The job for our existing products, platforms and cash flows will be to advance four areas: place / race, skilling / manufacturing, health / food and climate / mobility - starting in America. The board will measure me based on job creation and diversity.  It should go without saying that we’re pausing dividends and buybacks for the foreseeable future. Every dollar will serve our mission. Every senior leader will need to sign up for our new mission - and those who choose to stay will receive a new, back-end loaded, 10 year vesting schedule.  We want them focused on the long-term health of society - not the whims of Robinhood day traders or strengthening the moats of existing products. We will need to invent entirely new ways to operate and ship products. As Joel Spolsky said, “when you need to hire a programmer to do mostly VB programming, it’s not good enough to hire a VB programmer, because they will get completely stuck in tar every time the VB abstraction leaks”. We need engineers, designers and product managers that will look deep into the stack, confront the racial, job access, health and climate debts that our products, our companies and our communities are built on top of.   This is not about CYA process to protect cash cows or throwing things over the fence to policy. We will need to innovate across technical, cultural and organizational lines. This requires deep understanding and curiosity. Systems and full-stack, not just pixels. This will bring more scrutiny to our company - not less.  Change must not be the burden for only our Black employees or other subsets. Everyone must be on board - so for the next 12 months, we’re giving folks a one-time buyout if they want to leave.

Third, we can’t do any of this by ourselves.  The problems are too big. Our role will be to provide enlightened risk capital (from our balance sheet or by re-vectoring operating spend) alongside R&D, product, platform leverage to help leaders and innovators pursue solutions in these areas. We will work with our peers and the public sector wherever possible - buying/R&D consortia, public-private partnerships, trusts, etc. Collaboration is the default, not the exception. But the new era and landscape demands that we explore institutional models beyond global capital/startups, labor unions, NGOs or government. We need models that can more flexibly align people and purpose, that innovate on individualized vs. socialized risk/reward - and that ultimately help build and sustain local, social capital. It’s difficult to say what these will look like - but increasingly figuring this out will be existential for our core business. Right now, it doesn’t matter if you’re designing the best cameras in Cupertino or the best ways to see their snaps in Santa Monica - we’re all just building layers of an attention stack for global capital. Our Beijing competitors have figured this out. ByteDance is already eating our lunch. They’re using the same tech inputs as us - UX, ML and large-scale systems - which are now a commodity - but with vastly lower consequences for the content they show - creating a superior operating / scaling model. They’re not internalizing social or political cost. What we need in this era is the accumulation stack - where each interaction builds social capital.  This is not about global likes. This is about local respect. We’ll create competitive advantage when we build products that reach across race / economic lines to harness America’s amazing melting pot and do so in ways that build livelihoods / property rights for creators and stakeholders.

With this operating model in place, we’re committing to fundamental change in four areas:

Place & Race - Over the next 10 years, 100% of our jobs will be in diverse communities that embrace inclusive schooling, policing, housing and transit policies. (Starting tomorrow, we’re putting red lines on our maps around towns with exclusionary zoning.) This is not about privatizing cities or an HQ2-style play to extract concessions. This is about investing our risk capital and our reputation to innovate alongside government. How do we bring world-class education to neighborhoods with concentrated poverty? What is the future of digital/hybrid charter schooling? Unbundled public safety? We’re done with de facto segregation. We’ll embrace “remote-first” with physical centers of gravity as a means to this end. The Bay will become one physical node alongside several others (e.g. Atlanta, DC, LA) creating a strategic network to develop diverse talent across the country. We’re going to coordinate our investment with leading peers - since after all, this isn’t about cost or cherry-picking. It’s about broadening our country’s economic base.

Skilling & Manufacturing - We’re going to 10x the tech talent pool in 10 years - by inventing new apprenticeship models that bring women, minorities and the poor into the workforce. We’ll start with our existing contractor base, convert them to new employment models with expanded benefits and paths for upward mobility. Next, we will invent new productivity tools for all types of workers - from the front office to mobile work to call center - that brings the power of AI and programming to everyone. These will be deeply tied into new platforms for work designed from the bottom-up to build social and financial capital for individual workers and teams. Last, we’re setting a goal to manufacture most of our hardware products - from silicon all the way to systems - entirely in the US in 10 years. This will require massive investment, collaboration and innovation. It may require a revolution in robotics - but we will pursue this in a way that makes the American worker competitive - not a commodity to be automated away. If we’re successful, the dividends of our investment here will have massive spillover benefits to every other sector of manufacturing in the US - autos, etc. - including ones we have yet to dream up.

Health & Food -  We’re not going to tolerate a two-class system for healthcare. As we convert our contract workforce to new employment models, we’ll innovate on the fundamental quality/cost paradigm. This may feel like a step down but it will put us (and the rest of society if we’re successful) on a fundamentally better long-term trajectory. Can we use AI to help scale the reach of community health workers? Can we help them create co-operatively owned care delivery orgs that offer new ways to share risk and support behavior change?  Local, social capital is critical. Food is part of Health, and we’re going to innovate there too. Free food for employees is not going to come back post-COVID. Instead, we’ll use our food infrastructure to bootstrap cooperatively-owned cloud kitchens. We’ll provide capital to former contractors - mostly Black and Hispanic - to invest and own these. We’ll build platforms to help them sell food to employees (partly subsidized), participate in new “food for health” programs and eventually disrupt the extractive labor practices we see across food, grocery and delivery.

Climate & Mobility - Lastly, we’ll be imposing a carbon tax on all aspects of our own operations - which we’ll use to “fund” innovation in this space - with a primary focus on job creation. This is an area where we’re going to be looking far beyond our four walls from the beginning.  As a first step, we’re teaming up with Elon and Gavin Newsom to buy PG&E out of bankruptcy and restructure it as a 21st century “decentralized” network of community utilities.  It will accelerate the electrification of mobility - financing networked batteries for buses, cars and bikes along with charging infrastructure - and lead a massive job creation program focused on energy efficiency. It will use its rights of way to provide Gigabit ethernet + 5G to everyone - which will help people and help fund some of this.  Speaking of mobility, private buses aren’t coming back after COVID. Instead, we’re teaming up with all of our peers to create a Bay-wide network of electric buses (with bundled e-bikes) that will service folks of all walks of life - including our own employee base. Oh and one more thing - we’re bringing together the world’s most advanced privacy/identity architecture and computational video/audio to bake public health infrastructure directly into the buses. For COVID and beyond. None of this is a substitute for competent, democratically accountable regional authorities. This is us investing risk capital on behalf of society - with the goal of empowering these authorities.

Open technology for global progress - While we have to prioritize America given the scale of problems, the intent is not to abandon the rest of the world or hold back it’s progress. We feel the opposite - that over the coming decades each country’s technology sectors will thrive. To get there, we will continue to invest patiently - hiring, training, partnering, investing and innovating - but with a clear north star to help each country develop local leaders in new areas. Long-term, we’ll continue to contribute open technology that others can build upon.

America should be the proverbial city on a hill for everyone - not a metaverse for the rich with the poor dying in the streets. We don’t have much time so we’re getting to work now. See you next quarter.